Mother's Day.....

I've tried to ignore the day that's coming up.  The one where Mom's are celebrated everywhere.  While I want to celebrate my Mom, and all the amazing women in my life, this one day seems to be a constant reminder for me of what we have lost and yet yearn for all at the same time.  For three years, I was a Mother.  Was it everything I dreamed of- ummm no.  It was horrible, traumatic, and at times had it's good moments.  We struggled as a family and in 3 short years and 9 months of attorney struggles it was all taken away from us. 

So, I tease with Luke that there aren't any "Happy Mothers Day to used to be Moms" cards out there...or at least none I could find.  I try to cover up the sadness I feel over this day, but it's still hard and a constant reminder of what we have lost.  It's also a constant reminder of what we have to gain.

Right now, in our adoption process, we are simply waiting.  Waiting on God's timing and on His will to be done.  Can I say that this is easy?  Heck no, it's just plain awful.  It's hard having a match and dreaming of becoming a Mom only to have that bio Mom change her mind because she didn't like you.  I know it wasn't in God's plan, but it still hurt all the same. 

We are doing Beth Moore's Believing God study.  I have learned so far through it that I can believe God for a miracle. He's still in the miracle business after all.  He has a plan for my life.  As Beth has stated we can believe these 5 statements of faith:

1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God's word is alive and active in me. 

So, I know God is more than capable of giving us a baby in His timing.  I know He called us to do this yet again.  I know I can stand up and wait- even in the hurting times, and I also know I can do that because He is with me. I often wish our journey wasn't so hard in this area, it seems like it has been a pretty constant struggle for us.  I also know that we serve a loving God and that even through this heartache He is wanting us to learn something and draw closer to Him.

So this Mother's Day, I will celebrate my Mom and the amazing woman she is.  I will remind myself that this is just a day to celebrate what we have- not what we do not have.  I love my Mom and am so thankful for her.  She taught me my love for animals, cooking, and having hospitality.  More than that though, she taught me to love Jesus.    So, Happy Mothers Day Mom!  Maybe someday I can be a Mom just like you are to Chris and me.