The kids and I had counseling this morning and then I decided I'd let them skip school for the day. We went to meet some friends at the zoo. We had a wonderful time. I was exhausted by the time we got home. It was still a shock to me when our friend's little boy asked who the girl was with me. I said, "My daughter." It still sounds strange on my lips.
We saw lots of animals today- a big shock for the Little Rock Zoo. We ate lunch at the Africa Cafe. The line was SO stinkin' long. The food was good, but the wait was ridiculous. It was a blast all sitting around a big table talking with the moms and watching the kids interact. This was one of the first times I've been out as a "Mom" and having my kids really interact with other kids in front of me. It was a wonderful thing. I found myself today loving my kids and actually feeling like a real family. It's tough forming a bond when you adopt kids that are older. Today, was one of the first days I felt like a normal Mom, in a normal place, loving on her normal kids. It was so wonderful.
I overheard our little girl today talking to my friend Anna's little girl. She mentioned to her that she wanted to be a Mom when she grew up. Then she says, "Well, actually I want to be a teacher like my Mom, she went to school for that. But, then she got married instead. I so want to do that when I get older." Too sweet.
While at the zoo we saw 2 apes during mating season. Well, the kids saw it too. I had to turn around to keep from laughing. On the car ride home. Our little girl said, "Mom, my favorite animal was the monkey today at the zoo, but why was she sitting on her baby?" I just told her I didn't know and couldn't help but laugh.
Our little boy told me in the car ride home that he enjoyed his day at the zoo. He loved making new friends. This was a big step for us as a family. We did something totally sporadic. The kids have issues with having to know what's happening next at all times. It can really wear you out. So, we're working on being spontaneous. Our little girl had issues when I told her we were going to go to the zoo. She was set on going to school and didn't like the change. She turned around totally once we got there and met up with other kids. I think this was the first time they met kids and felt totally accepted and not different. They had a forever Mom, forever family, and now some great kids to call friends. It was a wonderful day.
Friday, May 23, 2014
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Needed a Laugh...
Our little girl was trying on dresses this afternoon. One was rather big. She was just giggling as she came in the kitchen. She asked me if it was lady-like. I told her no, that if your boobies are showing, then it is not lady like. Our little boy was sitting at the bar watching all of this eating a snack. When our little girl walked off, he looked at me straight faced and said, "Mom, she's just gonna have to wait til they grow out." I almost spit my drink across the kitchen. I asked him, "What do you mean?" Of course, I was thinking he was being a typical man, but then he said, "She's gonna have to grow up bigger." Whew, that was close. I couldn't help but excuse myself to our bathroom and laugh!
On the other hand our little girl just came up and gave me a huge hug- smelling of cheeze-its. She asked for the 4th time what we were having for supper. I told her. She was looking at me typing and said, "Williams, am I a Williams?" I told her in August she will be officially a Williams. That got me a huge hug. She asked me if at the dr. and dentist she would be a Williams. I told her yes. She said that's awesome, because I don't like my other name at all. Brought tears to my eyes.
I sure love these kids even though it's so hard sometimes!
On the other hand our little girl just came up and gave me a huge hug- smelling of cheeze-its. She asked for the 4th time what we were having for supper. I told her. She was looking at me typing and said, "Williams, am I a Williams?" I told her in August she will be officially a Williams. That got me a huge hug. She asked me if at the dr. and dentist she would be a Williams. I told her yes. She said that's awesome, because I don't like my other name at all. Brought tears to my eyes.
I sure love these kids even though it's so hard sometimes!
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Adoption Date...
This morning, we got an email sharing our new finalized adoption date. It was a bit of a shocker to get that email-even though we had been waiting on it. Luke and I have talked many times over the past few months about if we would actually sign the documents or not- making the kids officially "Williams." To some, that might sound horrible and shocking- to others, you know what we've been through the past few months.
They haven't been easy months. The kids have come with baggage and issues that we have to work out and deal with on a daily basis. Once you think you are past an issue, or it's getting better, wham- there it goes again. It might be with one kid, or it might be with both, you just never seem to know. Being thrown all of this over the past few months has worn Luke and I both out. We're exhausted in just trying to find our new "normal."
I've been praying hard the past few weeks about a peace for the whole situation. I want to know that we are making the right decision not only for us, but for the kids. I sometimes see us signing on the dotted line means signing our lives away. No more just the two of us (there's a song in there somewhere), no more kid free nights, no more doing what we want to do whenever we want to do it. I worry about the issues our kids will face. They have more baggage and wounds than normal bio kids would have. I oftentimes worry about if and how I will be able to handle all of this. Am I strong enough? Can I do this right? Will I regret making this forever decision somewhere down the road?
In being blatantly honest with myself today, could I really tell these kids I didn't want to be their forever Mommy and Daddy? Honestly, No. If DHS took them away from us today would I be sad? Extremely so. I might get a few days rest with no worries, but in the long run I'd miss their noises and smells. Lord knows there are new smells here everyday!!! Would I miss the constant struggle with them- probably yes, but then again I know I wouldn't. I'd forever be worried about who they were with and if they were safe. I would wonder who they grew up to be and how they changed the world for the better.
I have come to love these two precious kids for who they are. Yes they have baggage and issues. We're working through those with counseling on a weekly basis. Would I miss the laughter I hear or the funny stories they share. You bet.
So, even though I'm still praying for perfect peace- I know when that court date comes, Luke and I will make the right decision for our family. One that completes us as a family of 4. Do we all have baggage and failures when we come before the Lord? OMG Yes, on a daily basis. Does he turn us down and say He can't be our Daddy anymore? I'm so thankful He doesn't do that. Does He remind us daily of our short comings? No, and I try to let each morning be a new morning with the kids.
For now, I'm simply praying for His perfect peace and guidance in every situation for our family. Will everyone understand our decisions? Nope, but do I understand the choices some people make- heck no. That's for them to decide and as we like to say around here, "You worry about yourself."
They haven't been easy months. The kids have come with baggage and issues that we have to work out and deal with on a daily basis. Once you think you are past an issue, or it's getting better, wham- there it goes again. It might be with one kid, or it might be with both, you just never seem to know. Being thrown all of this over the past few months has worn Luke and I both out. We're exhausted in just trying to find our new "normal."
I've been praying hard the past few weeks about a peace for the whole situation. I want to know that we are making the right decision not only for us, but for the kids. I sometimes see us signing on the dotted line means signing our lives away. No more just the two of us (there's a song in there somewhere), no more kid free nights, no more doing what we want to do whenever we want to do it. I worry about the issues our kids will face. They have more baggage and wounds than normal bio kids would have. I oftentimes worry about if and how I will be able to handle all of this. Am I strong enough? Can I do this right? Will I regret making this forever decision somewhere down the road?
In being blatantly honest with myself today, could I really tell these kids I didn't want to be their forever Mommy and Daddy? Honestly, No. If DHS took them away from us today would I be sad? Extremely so. I might get a few days rest with no worries, but in the long run I'd miss their noises and smells. Lord knows there are new smells here everyday!!! Would I miss the constant struggle with them- probably yes, but then again I know I wouldn't. I'd forever be worried about who they were with and if they were safe. I would wonder who they grew up to be and how they changed the world for the better.
I have come to love these two precious kids for who they are. Yes they have baggage and issues. We're working through those with counseling on a weekly basis. Would I miss the laughter I hear or the funny stories they share. You bet.
So, even though I'm still praying for perfect peace- I know when that court date comes, Luke and I will make the right decision for our family. One that completes us as a family of 4. Do we all have baggage and failures when we come before the Lord? OMG Yes, on a daily basis. Does he turn us down and say He can't be our Daddy anymore? I'm so thankful He doesn't do that. Does He remind us daily of our short comings? No, and I try to let each morning be a new morning with the kids.
For now, I'm simply praying for His perfect peace and guidance in every situation for our family. Will everyone understand our decisions? Nope, but do I understand the choices some people make- heck no. That's for them to decide and as we like to say around here, "You worry about yourself."
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