It's official....

      Outside the courthouse before an official family of 4....can you tell how nervous we are?!

                  Little Robert, PaPa, Asia, and Nana waiting to go back to the court room

                                                                Robert and PaPa

                                          Robert, Monica- a wonderful DHS friend, and Asia

                                           Taking official family selfies outside the court room....

                                          An "official" family after court- much happier and less nervous!!!

                                         

                                                                  Robert and Dad

                                                        PaPa and Robert

                                                           Nana and Asia

                                                         Asia and Mom

                                                               My omelet

                                                              Mom's breakfast

We drove up on Sunday afternoon to get ready for the adoption.  Mom, Luke, the kids, and I went to eat immediately at El Chico.  That was some of the best Mexican food I have eaten in a long time.  I was rather tense though at dinner- kept looking around the restaurant not wanting to run into any of their "bad" family.  After dinner, we stopped at Walmart for a few essentials and then headed to the Hampton Inn.  Robert and Luke went to swim while Asia and I went to Nana's room to visit.  We all got bed around 9.  I took Tylenol PM so I could sleep. My nerves were about shot. 

Monday morning, we woke up around 6 and started getting ready.  We dressed the kids in their Easter attire.  I curled Asia's hair and tried to do something with mine.  I think I changed clothes between 2 outfits at least 4 times!  I was a wreck.  The kids didn't really say much at breakfast.  They ate oatmeal and toast.  I think I ate, I couldn't seem to focus on much.  We all piled into the car and set for the 2 blocks to the court house annex building. 

We were the first ones there- even beat the security guard.  She was from Rhode Island and her accent really stood out.  We found out that the annex building used to be a funeral home.  It was really wild.    We visited with her in the lobby for about 10 minutes before Monica-the kids DHS person showed up.  Her and Rebecca have been fantastic in all of this.  The kids are super comfortable with both of them.  She was able to meet Mom and Dad as well.  We headed back to Judge Isbell's court room.  Actually where he sat on the bench was the exact place you would put a "body" if it were still the funeral home.  It was kinda funny to in vision all of that. 

Court was supposed to start at 8:30.  Luke, the kids, and I sat on the very front row.  I don't think the kids moved at all.  Asia kept scooting closer and closer to me.  Robert sat very still and wouldn't hardly talk at all.  It was about 10 am. before court for us got started.  They removed any of the "extra" people from the courtroom so it would be just us.  They told Luke and I to raise our right hand and swear to tell the whole truth.  They then called me up to the witness stand.  I wasn't prepared really for that and didn't know what to do.  The lady asked me where I lived and how long Luke and I had been married.  She then asked if we understood that these kids would be ours legally til they were 18.  I just looked at her and said, "Well, 18 and beyond."  Everyone laughed.  Judge Isbell said, "Yes, WAY beyond."  He even commented on how well behaved the kids were.  He asked me why I was interested in adopting Robert and Asia.  I said, "Well, because I love them."  I remember looking over at the two of them.  Asia with her wide blue eyes and Robert staring at me looking so nervous.  Then I saw Mom and Dad sitting behind them.  Mom was of course crying and Dad was teary eyed too.  After that, they called Luke to the stand.  He got much less questions that I did.  They only asked him why he was interested in adopting the kids.  He said, "Because we love them and can't imagine our lives without them."  Yep- that's my fella!

The judge made it so.  He signed the papers and told us to keep up with these legal documents.  Then he explained about the birth certificate and all.  We asked to have a picture made with Judge Isbell.  He is such a nice man.  He said he would love to have a picture of this day to put in his scrapbook. 

We were all grins leaving the court house.  We gave Monica one last hug and left as a family of 4.  I think we all breathed a sigh of relief as we left the court house.  We headed over to the square and ate at a little diner.  It was really good food.  I could actually eat at that point- in fact the kids ate all of their food too!  

 

I wondered a lot about this day.  What it would look like, how I would feel.  One word can only describe it.  Amazing.  Well, that and nerves!!!  My Grandma and PaPa went through this exact same thing some years ago. I wondered what they would say about all this.  Were they as nervous as Luke and I were.  Did Grandma change clothes a thousand times and never felt comfortable until after it was over?  How I wish my Grandma and PaPa could have seen this and met their Great Grand Children.  How I wish my Aunt Debbi could meet her namesake in Asia Joy.  Robert Graham is named after our Uncle George.  We just love him and he's a great example of what a Christian man should be.  The kids have big names to live up to- and to finally feel as part of a real family.

I didn't take any pictures inside the court room.  Dad did though, and I can't wait to see his pics.  We headed on to Branson after that for a family vacation.  An "official" family vacation. 

An experience at Rhea Lana's....

The kids and I decided to check out the half price sale at Rhea Lana's Friday after our counseling session.  I had never been before and neither had they.  While looking at the girl's clothes, I asked an older woman about the "dot" thing- which clothes were considered half price or not.  She was very helpful.  We probably spent an hour looking at clothes and toys.  The kids each picked out a toy, after much debate, and we were headed to the checkout.  This older lady had come up to me several times during that hour to chat.  I caught myself being nervous around her.  I was wondering inside if she recognized the kids.  Did she know them?  That sounds so silly, but from an adoptive Mom, who adopted older kids well, I guess it will always be at the back of my mind. 

At the checkout this lady and her daughter- who was a little older than me were in front of us.  My foot was bothering me- thanks to a pulled ligament- and the kids were getting restless.  I was just plain old tired and tired of waiting in line.  This older lady commented on how well the kids were being.  She said they were very well behaved.  I grinned and told her thank you.  All the while I was thinking- yep, we've only had them 7 months- if you'd known how hard we are working on behavior.  I told her I appreciated her kind words.  I felt the Lord leading me to tell her we had adopted them.  I don't share that all the time- it's really no one's business, but this time I did.  I told her we had finalized on Monday.  She got the biggest grin on her face.  She said, "So, that's why you poor thing look so exhausted."  I was thinking- well, thanks.  I did put on makeup today and tried to do something with my hair- but come to think of it, yes I've been exhausted for 7 months!!!  She told me that she had adopted her daughter and her sister when they were 3 and 5 years old.  She said, "I know exactly what you are going through.  It's hard. You have to be strict at first, but trust me eventually they will get it.  That girl you see right there- pointing at her daughter- turned out wonderfully and so did her sister."

I gave her a hug right there.  I told her how nice it was that someone understood.  They left shortly after that, but not without the daughter coming up to give me a hug.  She said adoption is so special- especially since my Mom chose me too.  How cool is that.  Then, she winked and said, "If you hadn't said anything we wouldn't have known.  They look just like you."  I just beamed.

The Lord used a Rhea Lana half price sale to encourage me.  If He can use a stranger in a clothing sale, He can use anyone!

Sign on the dotted line....

Last night Luke and I signed our Adoption Decree along with other court documents.  We sat the kids down and discussed with them what we were signing.  We read through the documents of their old names and what their new names were going to be.

We also explained to them what a birth certificate was.  We told them that it was a piece of paper to prove that you were born.  We also said that their old one had their bad Mommy's name on it because they came out of her tummy.  Little R looked at me and said, "Well sometimes people can be born big- like us."  I was thinking...ummm I hope not! LOL!  Little A told us she wished she was born from my tummy.  I told her the same thing, but it just didn't happen that way.

I took pictures of each of us signing the documents.  We told the kids that this new piece of paper would look to everyone else like they were born from my tummy.  That they have always been our kids.  Their old names would go away and they would be have brand new names.  They were extremely excited.

It was also heartbreaking to have to explain that to their young faces.  No kid should ever have a "bad" home.  No kid should have to realize that their birth certificate is being changed- even if it's changed for the better.  This is a messed up world we live in today.  I may not have given birth to my two kids, but they are ours none-the-less.

So, bring on the new names and new birth certificates.  We're ready to become officially a family of 4!

Name that part....

Yesterday, the kids and I stopped by Sonic to get some protein before heading to the Travs game.  I ordered us a 5 pack of Chicken Strips to split.  Not healthy really, but easy.  We started off down the road when R asked me what a Chicken Strip was.  I told him it was chicken.  I knew he wouldn't stop there.

 He said, "Yeah Mom, but what KIND of chicken." 

I said well, "I'm not sure if it's a boy or girl, if that's what you're asking." 

Well, that didn't satisfy him either.  In between crunching and smacking he asked, "Well, what body part does a Chicken strip come from?"

 I concentrating on driving in 5 o'clock traffic said, "It comes from a Chicken Tender." 

"Well, what's a chicken tender?"  he asked.  

Without thinking, I said, "It's a piece of a Chicken Breast."  Immediately I knew this was going no where good.  Hoping he'd forget about it, I handed him some more ranch. 

"Well, what's a breast?"  Ummm.... long pause here.  "Well it's a part of a chicken."

"Yeah, but what kind of breast and where is it at on a chicken?"

"Well, it's on the chest of a chicken."  I'm totally hoping we'd just drop this at this point. 

"Chicken's have chests?"  R asked. 

"Yes, R, and please eat so we can get to the game."  Thankfully that was the end of our Chicken Breast debate.  However, last night Luke asked them what kind of snack they had today at Sonic.  Little R looks at his Daddy all proud and with a big grin says, "We had Chicken Chest." 

Wow. 

The Reason behind the blog...

Even though I don't feel the need to post this entry, I want too.  It was brought to my attention through a hurtful comment about how I wasn't being a good parent to these kids.  I just have one thing to say to whoever the "Anonymous" commenter was.  Really?  Have you ever walked a day in my shoes? 

How can someone judge me and not even sign their name.  That's just cowardly and uncalled for.  The ONLY reason I have a blog is so I can someday scrapbook our daily life events.  If it's a public blog well then so be it.  I was told I was being too negative about my kids.  Well to say this whole adoption journey has been all roses and sweet smelling things would totally not be the truth.  It's been extremely hard and daunting at times.  We've gone through ups and downs and trying times.  Adopting older kids is VERY hard.  Am I always cut out for the job? Well, no.  Will I always do things like "everyone" else?  Umm...no.  And in fact I've never been one to fit anyone's mold.  I've done things unlike everyone else because I simply want too.  I was never one to follow a crowd in school.  I did my own thing.   Is there a such thing as a perfect parent?  Well, I haven't met one yet. 

There is no parenting book to cover all of our issues.  Trust me, we've both read numerous ones.  Some things work, others don't.  We may parent differently than you did your own kids, but is that really any of your concern?  It shouldn't be. 

Am I control freak?  Maybe, do I like to have things a certain way- who doesn't.  I'm human.  Our kids operate well on a schedule.  They like knowing what comes next.  What foods we are going to eat that day and when.  Did your kids talk about their "bad" home?  Did they tell you things that will make your hair curl and you get so angry at another person for hurting your child?  I doubt it.

So, instead of judging me, why don't you pray for me and Luke.  That's what we really need.  And, from now on, if you can't say anything nice- well then please don't say anything at all.  I'm not angry at you, I simply think Satan used you to get under our skin.  So, from here on out, this won't bother me anymore.  I know we are doing what the Lord called us to do.  It has nothing to do with you. 

Fun Filled Family Day...

Yesterday, our family spent the whole day together.  We went to counseling that morning- which is being moved out to every 2 weeks.  We can do this- I know we can- it just makes me a little nervous.  The kids are doing great in counseling.  I've seen massive strides in R over the past few days.  He actually visited with the counselor and with our adoption specialist in the past few days.  In fact, he gave our adoption specialist a hug before she left.  That was HUGE!

We went to the Museum of Discovery yesterday afternoon.  Was it worth the $40 bucks we spent to get in?  Probably not.  We did have fun though.  Sometimes I think Luke enjoyed it more than the kids and me.  The kids are getting more comfortable trying new things.  Little A was glued to me all through the museum.  She loved looking at the animals the most.  Little R loved hanging out with Luke and doing all the scientific exhibits.  After the MOD, we went to lunch at the Flying Fish.  Luke and I love to eat there.  The kids were amazed by their kids meals.  They came in paper boats.  It was fun to watch. 

After Flying Fish, we headed to Toys R Us to get the kids backpacks for school.  Little R picked out Mario Brothers while little A went straight for Ariel.  Well, that is after a little negotiation about how Barbie probably wouldn't last through the school year with her braided hair.  I think they were happy with their choices.

That afternoon, we went to the swimming pool to start swimming lessons with PaPa.  Dad taught me how to swim and I want the kids to know that skill also.  They are really unsure at first.  Swimming in water is a BIG trust issue.  We've been talking with both kids about commands versus a question.  They are beginning to learn that when we ask them to do something, it's not always a negotiation.  I was shocked to have spent most of the time with R yesterday in the pool.  He kicked with the best of them and really came a HUGE way in trusting me.  It really was amazing to watch.  By the end of the day, both were jumping off the edge of the pool- in the shallow water of course.  I think by the end of the summer they will really get the hang of it.  It was a fun filled family day!

Lessons from Peeing on your carpet?!

Yes, you read my title right- peeing on your carpet.  Little R and I have worked all day trying to get out a very distinct smell from his room.  I noticed it yesterday while cleaning.  I couldn't put my finger on the smell, so I got down like any good Mom would do, and put my nose to the floor.  Yep, by his bed I smelled pee. 

Luke happened to pick him up from daycare yesterday- yes, I said daycare- don't judge me.  Luke got several stories about how pee happened to end up on his carpet.  Apparently little R didn't want to get up and go to the bathroom because his door was closed.  So, he "fell" off of his bed and decided to do it right there.  On my cleaned carpet.  To say I was angry was an understatement.  I work my tail off at home to make our house look nice. 

So, last night little R learned how to use the carpet cleaner.  After he was in bed, did he get up again for his nightly- "I have to tell you something," or "I need a drink" or scream for 3 hours- nope, he went right to sleep. 

This morning we went and did our job cleaning someone else's house.  He did an awesome job on the baseboards and hard to reach places.  When we got home today, he had to clean the carpet again with a solution I found on Pinterest to get the smell out.  Is it still there?  Yep, sure is.

He asked me again if I was mad.  I told him "Yes son, I'm mad at you.  I still love you, but I'm extremely mad that you decided to use the carpet as your potty."  We have had a good day talking things out, but still am I mad- heck yeah! However, I do love our talks about the issue.  I've brought up zoo animals, our dogs, and just plain pigs to make my point.  Little R didn't think the idea of living in a dog house sounded too cool.  I sure hope he doesn't do this again, but who knows- he might.  We just have to love him through it and teach him right from wrong.  Crazy little dude. 

This whole foster/adopt thing is hard.  The kids don't understand some things that a "normal" kid would.  They don't have a currency you can pull away to make an impact.  They have stolen things from family and us.  They have lied more times than you can count, and they have been horribly disrespectful. 

On the flip side, they have loved us more than any two kids can.  They say it all the time- sometimes to manipulate- which doesn't work.  I put myself in their shoes daily.  They were left with us to learn to trust, obey, and love.  We are working on the first two, but the last one- well they do with all their hearts. 

That's the thing I need to hold dear.  They love us and are learning to trust.