Friday, March 20, 2020
Jack's Modeling Pictures
Jack is 2 months old
Where has the time gone? I cannot believe we've had baby Jack 2 months already. He just went for his two month check up. He weighs 9 lbs. 15 oz. He is 22 1/4 inches long and his head is 15 inches around. He is now in 0-3 month clothes and in a size 1 diaper. He is currently drinking 5 oz. of milk about every 4 hours or so.
Jack's favorite thing is the ceiling fan. He loves to stare at it all the time. He is starting to smile more and track things with his eyes. He swings every morning but doesn't like to swing at night. Today, I read Jack his first book- Pete the Cat builds a Sandwich. He really seemed to like the pictures.
We are so thankful to be his parents. What a precious gift the Lord has blessed us with. Just to think the day we received the call about him I was ready to give up and throw in the towel. I'm so glad the Lord heard my prayers and answered them all in His timing. I can honestly say I can look back and see His hand in everything- the waiting, heartache, desperation, and loneliness. Was it an easy road to go on? NO! Is it one I want to do over- heck no! Can I say though that He is faithful and always will be? Yes! Is it because we got what we longed for in the end- maybe? I do know regardless of how I feel, God is always faithful to those that love Him. He may not answer things in our timing, or give us everything we want, but I do know that He is always there- even when we can't feel Him. I thank Him daily for Jack and what a blessing little Jack is in our lives.
Jack's favorite thing is the ceiling fan. He loves to stare at it all the time. He is starting to smile more and track things with his eyes. He swings every morning but doesn't like to swing at night. Today, I read Jack his first book- Pete the Cat builds a Sandwich. He really seemed to like the pictures.
We are so thankful to be his parents. What a precious gift the Lord has blessed us with. Just to think the day we received the call about him I was ready to give up and throw in the towel. I'm so glad the Lord heard my prayers and answered them all in His timing. I can honestly say I can look back and see His hand in everything- the waiting, heartache, desperation, and loneliness. Was it an easy road to go on? NO! Is it one I want to do over- heck no! Can I say though that He is faithful and always will be? Yes! Is it because we got what we longed for in the end- maybe? I do know regardless of how I feel, God is always faithful to those that love Him. He may not answer things in our timing, or give us everything we want, but I do know that He is always there- even when we can't feel Him. I thank Him daily for Jack and what a blessing little Jack is in our lives.
Monday, February 24, 2020
Jack is 1 month old
Friday, January 31, 2020
Baby Jack's Story
This has been an amazing two weeks in our household. My last blog below was truly heart felt. I was done with adoption and struggling in trusting the Lord for our plan. Later that night, Luke had just finished unhooking the stove and disconnecting the sink. They were coming on Tuesday to demolish our old countertops and put new ones in. We had just finished everything when my phone rang. I saw that it was the adoption agency. At first I didn't want to answer because mainly I didn't think it was any news at all. I did answer though, and our adoption agent was talking very calmly and softly.
She said she was at the hospital and that a little baby boy had been born. I was thinking, that's wonderful, but why are you calling me- it still didn't register. She began telling me all about him. Then asked if I would put her on speaker so that Luke could hear. I think she knew it wasn't registering with me. She told Luke all about this baby boy and then asked what we thought. We said, that's great and were just looking at each other. She asked if we wanted to come meet him, that he was available for adoption. I remember looking at Luke in utter shock, then looking around at our kitchen in a complete mess! We told her YES and quickly hung up the phone to get out of our PJS and head for the hospital. While getting dressed, I looked at Luke and just started laughing. I told him this was NOT how I would have planned having a baby. I had no food in the freezer, I was going to paint all the trim in the house the next week, and look at the kitchen we didn't have! Luke reassured me it would all be OK. He's good at grounding me.
We got in the car and made a few phone calls. One was to the Barber clan. When we told Chantel what we were doing we were on her speaker phone. The kids all cheered which made me teary eyed. We called the Morris clan and our parents as well. Still in shock and just amazed that this could all be happening. We met the social worker at Chick Fil A and rode with her to the hospital. When we got to his room I remember just looking at him and thinking he's perfect. He had a head full of hair and was wearing a onesie from the hospital. The nurses there were guessing on his name and had Lawrence and Nathan written on the white board. He would be named none of those!
I got to hold him first and couldn't take my eyes off him. He was so soft and sweet smelling. Finally, I handed him over to Luke who was just as smitten as I was. Our adoption agent asked if we wanted to check him all out. She showed us his finger and toes- perfect. We stayed for several hours that night.
On Tuesday, I made a mad dash to Target to pick up some necessities. We had nothing boy in the house. I must have spent two hours in that store touching everything. I couldn't believe still that this might be happening. I texted several friends who told me what to buy and look for. I was looking in the boy newborn onesies and saw one with a giraffe on it. I love giraffes. When I turned over this onesie, the one on the back said Welcome Home. I had a moment right there in the Target baby aisle. The stocker lady tried to talk to me and then noticed I was crying and slowly walked away. She probably wanted to page- crazy lady on aisle 12!
I came home and immediately started washing things and getting the nursery all ready to go. The guys came and demolished our countertops and we had no kitchen at that point. That night, we went back to the hospital to visit our little Jack. Luke and I have loved the name Jack for a long time. His middle name is after Luke's and is Alan. Our little Jack Alan was perfect. That night, we got to feed him for the first time. He's an amazing eater. He gobbles it down fast and has trouble getting a burp out. I remember looking at him and just in awe of all of this. This is NOT how I would have planned for us to have an adoption. I would have had the house in perfect shape, meals prepared, groceries bought, etc. As Chris used to say, I like to run a tight ship. The Lord had other plans though, He did this His way and not mine. He knew the timing and the perfection of our story. He knew when it would happen and how. We reluctantly left the hospital that night. It was getting harder and harder to leave our little guy.
On Wednesday, the countertop people were back again to install our new tops. While they were working, we were working around the house. We had the pack and play to set up, the car seat, and still laundry to do. The countertop guys realized they cut it too short and told us we wouldn't have tops until Thursday. Luke was all calm and collected and when they left, I freaked out. I told Luke we couldn't bring a baby home with no way to make bottles or no sink! He called the place and explained our situation. They were thrilled for us and promised it would be done that night- even if it was late! They were wonderful to work with. Later that afternoon we met with the social worker to finish our home study. It was a long day mentally and emotionally as we rehashed much of what had happened to us before. After she left, we went with Mom and Dad to eat at TaMolly's. As soon as we finished our dinner, we got a call from our adoption agent. She was headed to the hospital and baby Jack was ready to be released. We left Mom and Dad at the restaurant and headed to the hospital.
The discharge nurse had trouble understanding why our car seat expired in two years with it being brand new. None of us took the time to answer her-we have had the car seat waiting in the nursery since our last disrupted match in October 2018. While we were waiting on her to get the papers collected, I couldn't wait to change Jack into some new clothes bought just for him. While I was changing him, the discharge nurse came in and asked how many kids we had at home. I replied that we had none. She looked at me and said, "Well you're a pro at this then, you must have been around kids before." Yep sure have! That made me feel more confident. While going over all the paperwork I had a small minute of panic. I was about to load up this baby with Luke and take him home. We were gonna be responsible for this tiny human! It almost immediately went away though as God reminded me He planned this and we were more than ready.
We got him loaded in the car, took some pictures and were on the road. The ride home was uneventful and felt strange to me and Luke. We got home to the countertop people here working and Mom and Dad. I couldn't wait to hold him some more. This would be the most time I had ever held him in three days. Mom and Dad enjoyed soaking him up as well. We took time to introduce him to Eggland and Breezy. Breezy couldn't care less and Eggland follows me everywhere with him. He looks at Luke like- are you sure you're supposed to have him? He's Mom's! The countertop guys left around 10 that night.
I think Luke and I spent most of that first night just holding him and staring at him. He's simply amazing. He has blue eyes and a head full of hair. We now had 6 days to wait for the bio Mom to change her mind. While being at peace that he was ours, there is still that little bit of doubt in the back of your mind that he might not be. She didn't change her mind though, and on Monday, January 27th at 4:30 we could finally announce he was our little bundle of joy! We will go to court later on in February to make it official.
Little Jack Alan is perfect and such a gift from God. Many have prayed for him and us and we could not be more appreciative or thankful. Thank you God for allowing us to have a small part in your big plan. Forgive me where I doubted and struggled, but thank you for loving me through it all.
She said she was at the hospital and that a little baby boy had been born. I was thinking, that's wonderful, but why are you calling me- it still didn't register. She began telling me all about him. Then asked if I would put her on speaker so that Luke could hear. I think she knew it wasn't registering with me. She told Luke all about this baby boy and then asked what we thought. We said, that's great and were just looking at each other. She asked if we wanted to come meet him, that he was available for adoption. I remember looking at Luke in utter shock, then looking around at our kitchen in a complete mess! We told her YES and quickly hung up the phone to get out of our PJS and head for the hospital. While getting dressed, I looked at Luke and just started laughing. I told him this was NOT how I would have planned having a baby. I had no food in the freezer, I was going to paint all the trim in the house the next week, and look at the kitchen we didn't have! Luke reassured me it would all be OK. He's good at grounding me.
We got in the car and made a few phone calls. One was to the Barber clan. When we told Chantel what we were doing we were on her speaker phone. The kids all cheered which made me teary eyed. We called the Morris clan and our parents as well. Still in shock and just amazed that this could all be happening. We met the social worker at Chick Fil A and rode with her to the hospital. When we got to his room I remember just looking at him and thinking he's perfect. He had a head full of hair and was wearing a onesie from the hospital. The nurses there were guessing on his name and had Lawrence and Nathan written on the white board. He would be named none of those!
I got to hold him first and couldn't take my eyes off him. He was so soft and sweet smelling. Finally, I handed him over to Luke who was just as smitten as I was. Our adoption agent asked if we wanted to check him all out. She showed us his finger and toes- perfect. We stayed for several hours that night.
On Tuesday, I made a mad dash to Target to pick up some necessities. We had nothing boy in the house. I must have spent two hours in that store touching everything. I couldn't believe still that this might be happening. I texted several friends who told me what to buy and look for. I was looking in the boy newborn onesies and saw one with a giraffe on it. I love giraffes. When I turned over this onesie, the one on the back said Welcome Home. I had a moment right there in the Target baby aisle. The stocker lady tried to talk to me and then noticed I was crying and slowly walked away. She probably wanted to page- crazy lady on aisle 12!
I came home and immediately started washing things and getting the nursery all ready to go. The guys came and demolished our countertops and we had no kitchen at that point. That night, we went back to the hospital to visit our little Jack. Luke and I have loved the name Jack for a long time. His middle name is after Luke's and is Alan. Our little Jack Alan was perfect. That night, we got to feed him for the first time. He's an amazing eater. He gobbles it down fast and has trouble getting a burp out. I remember looking at him and just in awe of all of this. This is NOT how I would have planned for us to have an adoption. I would have had the house in perfect shape, meals prepared, groceries bought, etc. As Chris used to say, I like to run a tight ship. The Lord had other plans though, He did this His way and not mine. He knew the timing and the perfection of our story. He knew when it would happen and how. We reluctantly left the hospital that night. It was getting harder and harder to leave our little guy.
On Wednesday, the countertop people were back again to install our new tops. While they were working, we were working around the house. We had the pack and play to set up, the car seat, and still laundry to do. The countertop guys realized they cut it too short and told us we wouldn't have tops until Thursday. Luke was all calm and collected and when they left, I freaked out. I told Luke we couldn't bring a baby home with no way to make bottles or no sink! He called the place and explained our situation. They were thrilled for us and promised it would be done that night- even if it was late! They were wonderful to work with. Later that afternoon we met with the social worker to finish our home study. It was a long day mentally and emotionally as we rehashed much of what had happened to us before. After she left, we went with Mom and Dad to eat at TaMolly's. As soon as we finished our dinner, we got a call from our adoption agent. She was headed to the hospital and baby Jack was ready to be released. We left Mom and Dad at the restaurant and headed to the hospital.
The discharge nurse had trouble understanding why our car seat expired in two years with it being brand new. None of us took the time to answer her-we have had the car seat waiting in the nursery since our last disrupted match in October 2018. While we were waiting on her to get the papers collected, I couldn't wait to change Jack into some new clothes bought just for him. While I was changing him, the discharge nurse came in and asked how many kids we had at home. I replied that we had none. She looked at me and said, "Well you're a pro at this then, you must have been around kids before." Yep sure have! That made me feel more confident. While going over all the paperwork I had a small minute of panic. I was about to load up this baby with Luke and take him home. We were gonna be responsible for this tiny human! It almost immediately went away though as God reminded me He planned this and we were more than ready.
We got him loaded in the car, took some pictures and were on the road. The ride home was uneventful and felt strange to me and Luke. We got home to the countertop people here working and Mom and Dad. I couldn't wait to hold him some more. This would be the most time I had ever held him in three days. Mom and Dad enjoyed soaking him up as well. We took time to introduce him to Eggland and Breezy. Breezy couldn't care less and Eggland follows me everywhere with him. He looks at Luke like- are you sure you're supposed to have him? He's Mom's! The countertop guys left around 10 that night.
I think Luke and I spent most of that first night just holding him and staring at him. He's simply amazing. He has blue eyes and a head full of hair. We now had 6 days to wait for the bio Mom to change her mind. While being at peace that he was ours, there is still that little bit of doubt in the back of your mind that he might not be. She didn't change her mind though, and on Monday, January 27th at 4:30 we could finally announce he was our little bundle of joy! We will go to court later on in February to make it official.
Little Jack Alan is perfect and such a gift from God. Many have prayed for him and us and we could not be more appreciative or thankful. Thank you God for allowing us to have a small part in your big plan. Forgive me where I doubted and struggled, but thank you for loving me through it all.
Monday, January 20, 2020
Cleaning and Rethinking
That's kind of how I feel about this whole adoption journey- dried up. I'm dried up from waiting, wanting, and the longing that never seems far from my mind. I'm dried up of wishing and hoping that Luke and I will someday have kids to love. I've tried my best to pray and listen for God's voice in this matter. Right now, He seems completely silent. In fact, He's been silent since October 2018 when we were matched and then rejected.
It also seems fitting that this week I have started Lisa Terkeurst's study called Trustworthy. She was offering a free online bible study and I thought why not! Today was a focus on David- the man after God's own heart. David sinned, doubted, and spent many years running for his life. He knew he was to be king, but it wasn't right off the bat- and it certainly wasn't an easy journey for him. I realized that sometimes I feel like David. I know God called us to do this whole adoption thing again. I know we did the right thing in following him, but this journey is NOT what I expected. I guess I thought this time around would be easier. Lord knows Luke and I had our challenges and heart ache before- why not a little bit easier road for us? I even feel like that I had one shot at motherhood and blew it before- so therefore, why would God give us another tiny human to love?
When I doubt all of that-which has been a lot lately, I am reminded that David did persevere. He did chase after God and while it wasn't easy- it was what he was called to do. God saw his bigger picture even though David could not. God was there with him even when David didn't feel it. Therefore, I must trust that God is doing the same for me. Is it easy? Can I say right now it's all been worth it? Probably not. I still am filled with doubt and longing that just won't go away. I know though that God is trustworthy and He is bigger than anything I face. For now, is it OK to keep the nursery door closed and far from my mind? I don't know.....what I do know is God can be trusted even when I have so much doubt. God is not MY feelings, He is all knowing and all powerful and never changes. That I can put my trust in.
Wednesday, September 11, 2019
Kingstons 1st Academy Game
Saline County Fair and Rodeo
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