An experience at Rhea Lana's....

The kids and I decided to check out the half price sale at Rhea Lana's Friday after our counseling session.  I had never been before and neither had they.  While looking at the girl's clothes, I asked an older woman about the "dot" thing- which clothes were considered half price or not.  She was very helpful.  We probably spent an hour looking at clothes and toys.  The kids each picked out a toy, after much debate, and we were headed to the checkout.  This older lady had come up to me several times during that hour to chat.  I caught myself being nervous around her.  I was wondering inside if she recognized the kids.  Did she know them?  That sounds so silly, but from an adoptive Mom, who adopted older kids well, I guess it will always be at the back of my mind. 

At the checkout this lady and her daughter- who was a little older than me were in front of us.  My foot was bothering me- thanks to a pulled ligament- and the kids were getting restless.  I was just plain old tired and tired of waiting in line.  This older lady commented on how well the kids were being.  She said they were very well behaved.  I grinned and told her thank you.  All the while I was thinking- yep, we've only had them 7 months- if you'd known how hard we are working on behavior.  I told her I appreciated her kind words.  I felt the Lord leading me to tell her we had adopted them.  I don't share that all the time- it's really no one's business, but this time I did.  I told her we had finalized on Monday.  She got the biggest grin on her face.  She said, "So, that's why you poor thing look so exhausted."  I was thinking- well, thanks.  I did put on makeup today and tried to do something with my hair- but come to think of it, yes I've been exhausted for 7 months!!!  She told me that she had adopted her daughter and her sister when they were 3 and 5 years old.  She said, "I know exactly what you are going through.  It's hard. You have to be strict at first, but trust me eventually they will get it.  That girl you see right there- pointing at her daughter- turned out wonderfully and so did her sister."

I gave her a hug right there.  I told her how nice it was that someone understood.  They left shortly after that, but not without the daughter coming up to give me a hug.  She said adoption is so special- especially since my Mom chose me too.  How cool is that.  Then, she winked and said, "If you hadn't said anything we wouldn't have known.  They look just like you."  I just beamed.

The Lord used a Rhea Lana half price sale to encourage me.  If He can use a stranger in a clothing sale, He can use anyone!

Sign on the dotted line....

Last night Luke and I signed our Adoption Decree along with other court documents.  We sat the kids down and discussed with them what we were signing.  We read through the documents of their old names and what their new names were going to be.

We also explained to them what a birth certificate was.  We told them that it was a piece of paper to prove that you were born.  We also said that their old one had their bad Mommy's name on it because they came out of her tummy.  Little R looked at me and said, "Well sometimes people can be born big- like us."  I was thinking...ummm I hope not! LOL!  Little A told us she wished she was born from my tummy.  I told her the same thing, but it just didn't happen that way.

I took pictures of each of us signing the documents.  We told the kids that this new piece of paper would look to everyone else like they were born from my tummy.  That they have always been our kids.  Their old names would go away and they would be have brand new names.  They were extremely excited.

It was also heartbreaking to have to explain that to their young faces.  No kid should ever have a "bad" home.  No kid should have to realize that their birth certificate is being changed- even if it's changed for the better.  This is a messed up world we live in today.  I may not have given birth to my two kids, but they are ours none-the-less.

So, bring on the new names and new birth certificates.  We're ready to become officially a family of 4!

Name that part....

Yesterday, the kids and I stopped by Sonic to get some protein before heading to the Travs game.  I ordered us a 5 pack of Chicken Strips to split.  Not healthy really, but easy.  We started off down the road when R asked me what a Chicken Strip was.  I told him it was chicken.  I knew he wouldn't stop there.

 He said, "Yeah Mom, but what KIND of chicken." 

I said well, "I'm not sure if it's a boy or girl, if that's what you're asking." 

Well, that didn't satisfy him either.  In between crunching and smacking he asked, "Well, what body part does a Chicken strip come from?"

 I concentrating on driving in 5 o'clock traffic said, "It comes from a Chicken Tender." 

"Well, what's a chicken tender?"  he asked.  

Without thinking, I said, "It's a piece of a Chicken Breast."  Immediately I knew this was going no where good.  Hoping he'd forget about it, I handed him some more ranch. 

"Well, what's a breast?"  Ummm.... long pause here.  "Well it's a part of a chicken."

"Yeah, but what kind of breast and where is it at on a chicken?"

"Well, it's on the chest of a chicken."  I'm totally hoping we'd just drop this at this point. 

"Chicken's have chests?"  R asked. 

"Yes, R, and please eat so we can get to the game."  Thankfully that was the end of our Chicken Breast debate.  However, last night Luke asked them what kind of snack they had today at Sonic.  Little R looks at his Daddy all proud and with a big grin says, "We had Chicken Chest." 

Wow. 

The Reason behind the blog...

Even though I don't feel the need to post this entry, I want too.  It was brought to my attention through a hurtful comment about how I wasn't being a good parent to these kids.  I just have one thing to say to whoever the "Anonymous" commenter was.  Really?  Have you ever walked a day in my shoes? 

How can someone judge me and not even sign their name.  That's just cowardly and uncalled for.  The ONLY reason I have a blog is so I can someday scrapbook our daily life events.  If it's a public blog well then so be it.  I was told I was being too negative about my kids.  Well to say this whole adoption journey has been all roses and sweet smelling things would totally not be the truth.  It's been extremely hard and daunting at times.  We've gone through ups and downs and trying times.  Adopting older kids is VERY hard.  Am I always cut out for the job? Well, no.  Will I always do things like "everyone" else?  Umm...no.  And in fact I've never been one to fit anyone's mold.  I've done things unlike everyone else because I simply want too.  I was never one to follow a crowd in school.  I did my own thing.   Is there a such thing as a perfect parent?  Well, I haven't met one yet. 

There is no parenting book to cover all of our issues.  Trust me, we've both read numerous ones.  Some things work, others don't.  We may parent differently than you did your own kids, but is that really any of your concern?  It shouldn't be. 

Am I control freak?  Maybe, do I like to have things a certain way- who doesn't.  I'm human.  Our kids operate well on a schedule.  They like knowing what comes next.  What foods we are going to eat that day and when.  Did your kids talk about their "bad" home?  Did they tell you things that will make your hair curl and you get so angry at another person for hurting your child?  I doubt it.

So, instead of judging me, why don't you pray for me and Luke.  That's what we really need.  And, from now on, if you can't say anything nice- well then please don't say anything at all.  I'm not angry at you, I simply think Satan used you to get under our skin.  So, from here on out, this won't bother me anymore.  I know we are doing what the Lord called us to do.  It has nothing to do with you. 

Fun Filled Family Day...

Yesterday, our family spent the whole day together.  We went to counseling that morning- which is being moved out to every 2 weeks.  We can do this- I know we can- it just makes me a little nervous.  The kids are doing great in counseling.  I've seen massive strides in R over the past few days.  He actually visited with the counselor and with our adoption specialist in the past few days.  In fact, he gave our adoption specialist a hug before she left.  That was HUGE!

We went to the Museum of Discovery yesterday afternoon.  Was it worth the $40 bucks we spent to get in?  Probably not.  We did have fun though.  Sometimes I think Luke enjoyed it more than the kids and me.  The kids are getting more comfortable trying new things.  Little A was glued to me all through the museum.  She loved looking at the animals the most.  Little R loved hanging out with Luke and doing all the scientific exhibits.  After the MOD, we went to lunch at the Flying Fish.  Luke and I love to eat there.  The kids were amazed by their kids meals.  They came in paper boats.  It was fun to watch. 

After Flying Fish, we headed to Toys R Us to get the kids backpacks for school.  Little R picked out Mario Brothers while little A went straight for Ariel.  Well, that is after a little negotiation about how Barbie probably wouldn't last through the school year with her braided hair.  I think they were happy with their choices.

That afternoon, we went to the swimming pool to start swimming lessons with PaPa.  Dad taught me how to swim and I want the kids to know that skill also.  They are really unsure at first.  Swimming in water is a BIG trust issue.  We've been talking with both kids about commands versus a question.  They are beginning to learn that when we ask them to do something, it's not always a negotiation.  I was shocked to have spent most of the time with R yesterday in the pool.  He kicked with the best of them and really came a HUGE way in trusting me.  It really was amazing to watch.  By the end of the day, both were jumping off the edge of the pool- in the shallow water of course.  I think by the end of the summer they will really get the hang of it.  It was a fun filled family day!

Lessons from Peeing on your carpet?!

Yes, you read my title right- peeing on your carpet.  Little R and I have worked all day trying to get out a very distinct smell from his room.  I noticed it yesterday while cleaning.  I couldn't put my finger on the smell, so I got down like any good Mom would do, and put my nose to the floor.  Yep, by his bed I smelled pee. 

Luke happened to pick him up from daycare yesterday- yes, I said daycare- don't judge me.  Luke got several stories about how pee happened to end up on his carpet.  Apparently little R didn't want to get up and go to the bathroom because his door was closed.  So, he "fell" off of his bed and decided to do it right there.  On my cleaned carpet.  To say I was angry was an understatement.  I work my tail off at home to make our house look nice. 

So, last night little R learned how to use the carpet cleaner.  After he was in bed, did he get up again for his nightly- "I have to tell you something," or "I need a drink" or scream for 3 hours- nope, he went right to sleep. 

This morning we went and did our job cleaning someone else's house.  He did an awesome job on the baseboards and hard to reach places.  When we got home today, he had to clean the carpet again with a solution I found on Pinterest to get the smell out.  Is it still there?  Yep, sure is.

He asked me again if I was mad.  I told him "Yes son, I'm mad at you.  I still love you, but I'm extremely mad that you decided to use the carpet as your potty."  We have had a good day talking things out, but still am I mad- heck yeah! However, I do love our talks about the issue.  I've brought up zoo animals, our dogs, and just plain pigs to make my point.  Little R didn't think the idea of living in a dog house sounded too cool.  I sure hope he doesn't do this again, but who knows- he might.  We just have to love him through it and teach him right from wrong.  Crazy little dude. 

This whole foster/adopt thing is hard.  The kids don't understand some things that a "normal" kid would.  They don't have a currency you can pull away to make an impact.  They have stolen things from family and us.  They have lied more times than you can count, and they have been horribly disrespectful. 

On the flip side, they have loved us more than any two kids can.  They say it all the time- sometimes to manipulate- which doesn't work.  I put myself in their shoes daily.  They were left with us to learn to trust, obey, and love.  We are working on the first two, but the last one- well they do with all their hearts. 

That's the thing I need to hold dear.  They love us and are learning to trust. 

Life Lessons....

So, a few days ago we noticed that the kids' toilet was running very slowly.  I asked the kids numerous times if they had flushed anything down it.  The reply was always "No."  Little R also had some issues with the plunger one morning resulting in a huge mess I had to clean up.  The weekend came and went.  We had our adoption/foster support group over for a cookout and had a blast!  Yesterday, while running errands I asked the same old question if either of them had flushed something down the toilet.

Well, little R came up with one elaborate story of how a tube of toothpaste ended up in the toilet.  He was cleaning up the trash in their bathroom when the tube just happened to fall into the toilet.  Then, he accidentally tripped and flushed it down.  While it was a great story and held my interest, I wasn't buying the whole "accidentally" thing.  We asked him again over lunch to tell us the true story.  While eating chips and salsa it came out.  He did drop it in the toilet but didn't want to reach into the clean water and get it. So, he flushed it.  Then later that morning, he had to do what we call "Big Business" and couldn't get all of it to go down, so he used the plunger- pushing the toothpaste further in the toilet.  That was on Wednesday, we didn't find out the truth until Sunday afternoon.  5 days of using that toilet!

So, Luke and R went to get the necessities to do the big business of removing the toilet.  Our friend Greg was nice enough to let us borrow some things including gloves. So, I took numerous tear filled pictures of R in his gloves, helping his Daddy, covering his nose, and learning the plumber business.  We finally discovered the tube of toothpaste inside the bottom of the toilet.  He had to dig it out.

I had flashbacks of my Dad making us clean out the van seats with socks on our hands.  I couldn't help but laugh when R was getting the toothpaste out.  It took a total of about 8 hours to remove the toilet and put it back on.  R was in there the whole time helping his Daddy.  He even helped me clean the bathroom afterwards. 

This morning when I asked both of them if they were going to flush anything down the potty- their answer was an immediate "NO!"  I hope he learned his lesson on what goes in the potty and what doesn't.

On a funny note though, I told him the other day we were having Cavatini for dinner. He said, "Oh yeah Mom, I know what goes on top of that- Farmer John."  I didn't have a clue what he was talking about.  So I asked a few more questions.  Come to find out, "Farmer John" is the "White cheese stuff you sprinkle on Pizza Mom."  Yep, he was talking about PARMESAN cheese!  The joys of parenthood!