Lily's 6th Birthday

It's hard to believe Lily is 6.  It's even harder to believe I have a 7 & 8 year old and was technically a Mom before Christylee- even though I didn't know my own kids then.  We celebrated with Lily at Jerry and Nancy's house.  It's always fun to catch up with them and see all the kids.  This was the first birthday Lily invited friends from school.  We had hotdogs and chips for lunch.  The birthday cake was delicious.  Lily got a ton of presents. Happy 6th Birthday Lily!

                                                      The Girls

                                          Grayson, Jacob, Me, and Robert

                                                      The Birthday Group

                                              Making Homemade Dragons

Farmer's Market

The kids have never been to the Rivermarket Farmer's Market before, so on Saturday we took the opportunity to go.  They liked looking at all the produce.  We let them each pick out a pumpkin from a vendor. We got squash, corn on the cob, new potatoes, and okra.  I fixed all that with some grilled pork chops for dinner.  The kids had a good time.  Afterwards, we stopped at Krispy Kreme for dessert!

Fish Fry

Dad's Rotary Group had their annual fish fry at Camp Aldersgate.  They invited us and the kids out to enjoy the festivities.  We had a great time listening to the band and eating catfish.  Kingston, Chris, and Summer joined in too.  The kids got their face painted and we enjoyed buying baked goods at the country store.  It was a great time.

Mills Park

Luke and the kids and I had a great family day today.  It was MUCH needed for this family of 4!  The morning started with the kids going to spend some time with Dr. Mike at the clinic.  He wanted to spend some time with them as well as see if being around even more animals would help their behavior.  After that, we went shopping.  We came home and rested for about an hour.  Later this afternoon, we all went to Mills Park.  We walked the entire walking track as a family.  The kids had fun playing on some of the bars along the track.  We ended the night with Little Caesar's pizza and an Ariel movie.  The way their behavior has been lately, it's so nice to have a relaxing "normal" family day. 

Learning in the process....

The past month since the adoption finalized has been a whirlwind here in the Williams household.  Behaviors have been ramped up, peeing in the house is happening more,  defiance is well known, and lying has reared its ugly head again.  The kids are trying to push us to see if we will break.  Trust me, over the past month I've been bent over severely but am still standing.  There were times I thought I would break, times I wanted to break, and times I just wanted out.  Most days I still feel that way.  It's just part of the process of parenting kids from hard places.

Today, I went to the dentist.  I love my dentist.  His staff is wonderful and he is wonderful.  I was reminded while having my teeth cleaned that Luke and I are doing a good job.  We're doing what the Lord called us to do.  It's not easy.  Not easy at all and in times it's downright impossible.  However, Lynn reminded me of something today.  She said, "It seems impossible to you, but that's so that you can say it was totally the Lord....not you."  It made perfect sense. 

This afternoon, as I sat doing my bible study in between making dinner and visiting with the kids, Asia spotted my bible open.  On one of the pages it said "Best of Parents."  I'm not sure what verses it was referring to in 1 Thesalonians, but she saw those words.  She read them out loud.  She looked at me and said, "You and Daddy are best parents.  You love us no matter what."  I looked back at her in tears and said, "Well, I'm glad you think that because sometimes I feel like I do a really crummy job."  She just put those blue eyes on me and said, "Well, even when you get mad, you still love us." 

So, when times in this whole process seem impossible, when I want to walk away from it all, and even when I say things to them I totally don't mean, they still see the big picture.  For today, in this hour,  it makes this process seem worth it. 

Exhaustion...

It's been a crazy couple of weeks in the Williams household.  The kids behavior has gone downhill since the adoption.  We've dealt with MAJOR issues from the both of them.  Honestly, it's been taxing on me and Luke.  I'm exhausted most of the time.  Since school has started, their behavior at home has improved.  I think having some structure back has been a good thing.

Being a stay at home mom has always been my dream.  I loved the idea of having the kids at home, making dinner, keeping up the house, etc.  Now, I'm not so sure I'm cut out for all of this.  To be honest, adopting older kids has NOT been what either of us have expected.  Sure, we knew there would be bumps in the road, but we really weren't expecting all of this.  Lately, I've felt like I haven't been the Mom I want to be.  I've felt like I have fallen short of everything in my stay at home Mom dream.  I've yelled, said things I shouldn't, cried more tears than ever, and gone to bed earlier than I ever have in my entire life.  In just 8 months, our lives have been turned upside down.  I can't imagine our lives without the kids, but this has been the hardest journey of my life. 

Today, I worked for 2 hours in the office for Robert's teacher.  The laminator and I were on a first name basis.  It didn't work so well, so I'm not sure what all names I called it!  After that, I went to eat with the kids.  Asia was thrilled to see me.  Robert wanted to sit by his friends.  His teacher explained to him that I came to eat with him.  When you have a visitor, they sit to the side.  He wanted no part of that.  So, I left.  I cried all the way home.  Some people say- "Well, that's just a kid thing, get used to it."  However, I'm sure those people have had their kids numerous years.  We've had ours 8 months.  We chose to adopt them just a few weeks ago to make it final.  He tells me he doesn't want to eat with me?  Seriously. 

I haven't felt adequate enough for the job the Lord set before us to do.  I don't think I'm strong enough for this journey. Emotionally I'm at my limit.  I'm stressed, exhausted, and completely at the end of my rope.  However, the Lord reminded me of Moses today.  He didn't feel adequate either, but look what he did!  I know I have to trust in the Lord.  He will give me the strength I need and in His timing.  For now, I'll wait upon Him.  And pray because sometimes that's just all I've got.  And sometimes, it's just His name...Jesus...that I can utter.  Today, is one of those days.

First Day of School

                                                                 My 1st Grader

                                                                    My 2nd Grader

The kids were super excited this morning about the first day of school.  Asia is starting 1st Grade and Robert will be in 2nd Grade.  They ate a breakfast of oatmeal, toast, and an over-medium egg.  Asia wasn't really up to eating all of that.  I think she was a little bit nervous.  I left the house about 7:15 to drop them off.  It was raining outside, so I used my big umbrella to walk them in on the first day.  They are able to sit outside their classrooms until the bell at 7:50.  Robert was certainly ready to start his day.  Asia clung to me a little as I hugged her.   They seemed to have great days though for their first day.  We've already had homework!!!  I think they will like their new classes.