A journey of promise....

 I ran across this in my bible this morning during my bible study.  It's the first page of Acts in my bible.  This picture though, has a lot of history behind it.  Back in 2018, Luke and I were discussing adoption- yet again.  We had been on the fence, had many an argument about kids, and felt like we had been through the ringer in the years past.  Well on this particular Sunday, July 11, 2018, Luke told me on the way to church he was on board with it....again.  This was a major milestone for him as we had both been hurt before by adoption and had really struggled.  Well, this time it was me that couldn't commit.  I used the financial aspect of it as an excuse that Sunday- it cost too much.  How would we ever afford it?  The bottom line, I was scared to put my heart out there again.  

Well, on Sunday, July 11 2018, the Lord spoke to me in church.  It was as if he hit me on the shoulder.  Brother Jerry was preaching that morning and asked us if we would turn to Acts.  I obeyed and flipped over.  I never had really noticed that my bible was a devotional bible before- granted I've had this one since 2015....not the brightest person I guess.  Well, the first page of Acts had this devotional.  The title caught my eye.  "Ok, Lord," I thought, "This is so nice of you to throw that one in there...."  I read it anyway.  The bottom sentence caught my eye- "The Lord hears the prayers for your children."  "Sure ya do," I thought, "but it costs a lot of money we just don't have right now."  I told God.  So I just let that sit there for the entire service trying not to think about it or have a dialogue with God over it.  At the end of the service though, Drew got up and spoke.  He said the church was in need of 100,000 to complete the budget that year.  He made the comment of how that was a lot of money.  He said, that week they got a random check in the mail for....$100,000.  So if God can do that, He can do anything you're lacking in financially.  It was like the Lord hit me square upside the head.  "See there," He said to me, "I did that and I can do that for you."  

I immediately jotted the date in my bible.  I couldn't wait to get out of church and tell Luke I was on board with the adoption no matter the cost.  As you can see there's another date below my original one.  July 14, 2019....I was so depressed in writing that date down.  It was another sermon in Acts and I just felt the Lord poking fun at me in all the waiting.  He hadn't come through yet.  In fact, in between those two dates we had a disrupted adoption.  A Mom chose us and then changed her mind.  In between those dates, I had a nursery full of stuff for a baby.  Writing 2019 only made my heart hurt more and feel more lonely.  In that time, I begged and pleaded with God.  I asked him over and over to fulfill the desires of my heart.  He was silent.  He said nothing, I was ready to give up on the whole idea of adoption.  

Did I think He could still do it- yes.  Did I think He would do it for me?  No, not really.  I felt like a failure, I was heartbroken, and lonely.  We worked in 2019 on the Kingdom at Geyer Springs.  I was the backstage director and loved it.  I helped call cues and worked with an amazing group of people.  One song that was played was called "Messiah" It was a song Mary sang about baby Jesus.  The lyrics got me every performance and practice- "Long awaited, precious promise...."  God promised a Savior for his people....but he also promised a baby for me and Luke....yet we were still empty handed.  

We made it through the Kingdom, Christmas, and the January 2020.  We decided to remodel our kitchen-why not!  Well, everything in the kitchen had to go in the nursery....I spent one whole day moving everything.  By the end of that day, I was done.  I was done with God's promise of a baby, I was ready to walk away from it and sell it all.  The nursery was too painful to look at anymore.  By the time Luke got home that night, I was just done.  Then, we got the call.  The call that changed our whole life.  Our baby Jack had been born and was waiting for us to come and see him.  Our long awaited promise....

I still smile when I see His work through it all.  Was I perfect in the plan?  Heck no, I struggled so very much.  I was angry, hurt disappointed, jealous of those with babies, and miserable.  I cherish each day I have with Jack.  I couldn't be more happier being his Mommy because when I look at him, I know how blessed I am.  I know that God does fulfill His promises- just in His time....not mine!  I don't think I would treasure what we have today had it not been for our long journey.  I wouldn't be as close to God as I am today, and I wouldn't cherish Jack as much as I do.  

So, if you are struggling with what you feel God has promised you- just know it's His timing not ours.  He's working even when we can't feel it, see it, or know it.  He's there. 

Jack is one!

 

I cannot believe you are 1 year old today Jack Alan.  It has been a wild year.  At 12 months you are now just before walking.  You love to stand and hold onto anything.  You are saying Banana and Momma now- although I'm not sure you know what you are actually saying.  You have learned to crawl up on the couch in the den and think you are big stuff bouncing around.  Your favorite food is blueberries.  You love to hum and do it especially when you are enjoying your food.  You still take about 3-4 bottles a day- so we will need to adjust that soon I'm sure.  You love to help me "push it closed" on any door you can find.  You still love banging all the cabinet doors in the kitchen.  Your favorite toy is anything that makes a bunch of noise.

 This morning I was up at 5:30 because I just couldn't sleep.  I drove through Dairy Queen to get us all breakfast.  When you were born, we ate their breakfast frequently.  When COVID hit though, they shut it down.  We love their pancakes.  So tonight, we will celebrate with Dairy Queen pancakes and maybe bring out your birthday cake again so you can have some fun.  We love you so much.  You are truly an answer to so many prayers.  Happy birthday little man. 

Baby Jack Jack's 1st Halloween

Jack was baby Jack Jack off of the Incredibles for his 1st Halloween.  We celebrated the day with a big breakfast.  Nana wasn't feeling well, so PaPa still came over to eat.  We chowed down and then it was time for pictures and a nap.  After your nap, we had the Jones family come over for dinner.  We had Mummy hot dogs, a taco ring, a pumpkin cheese ball, and lots of other delicious goodies.  Our Carmel apple bar was a hoot.  The Carmel didn't hardly come out of the crockpot.  You had a great time though.  SO much so little JackJack fell asleep in the high chair.  Those pictures are on my phone.  Happy 1st Halloween Jack.  We love you!

Jack and the Pumpkin Patch

 We took Jack to the Roseberry Pumpkin Patch this past weekend.  He wasn't too awake from his morning nap by the time we got there.  He seemed to be in deep thought looking at all the people- probably more than he's seen his whole life!  We were socially distant and stayed away from everyone.  Later that afternoon, we ended up at Nana and PaPa's house to carve our pumpkin.  PaPa rocked Jack while Luke and I got it all ready for him.  We ended the night with Jack in a pumpkin and pizza for dinner.  It was a lot of fun. 

Jack is 8 months old

 Jack I cannot believe you are 8 months old already.  You are growing and changing almost every day.  You love to crawl now.  You are certainly getting faster at it.  You love to head towards to dog water bowl and light cords on the floor.  We are trying to teach you the word "no" but you don't seem to understand it yet.  You just look at me and grin- it's so hard for me not to grin back at you!  You are eating more real food as well.  You love strawberries and green beans.  Last night, you started making different sounds, so I bet you start talking soon as well.  You have 3 teeth in-  2 on the bottom and 1 tooth on the top.  From the looks of your gums though, you will have more soon.  You love watching the dogs play and are crazy about Breezy.  She's so patient with you.  Eggland likes to watch you from a distance.  My favorite time to cuddle you is when you fall asleep.  I just stare at you and tell you over and over how thankful we are for you.  Sometimes I feel sorry for your Daddy because I don't often share my Jack snuggle time with him.  Your Daddy loves giving you a bath.  We do that after we eat supper and I do the dishes and he bathes you.  I don't know who has more fun- you or him.  You have decided to start standing in your crib.  When we come and get you- you peek out through the bars at us with a big old grin.  We love you so much Jack! 

Jack is 7 months old!

Jack, it's hard to believe you are 7 months old!  Where has the time gone.  You can sit up all by yourself now.  You rock back and forth on your knees so ready to crawl.  You are still the spit up king- we go through so many burp cloths.  You love eating pouches on your own in the mornings.  You still get about 4-5 8oz bottles a day.  We have tried you on many different types of baby food.  You will eat meat and especially like the chicken and apple baby food by Gerber.  You do this squeal thing that we call the Chewbaca sound- because it sounds just like him off Star Wars.  You reach for me and your Daddy and know your name now.  You sleep like a champ and sometimes wake up at 3am just for a diaper change.  You usually wake up about 6am and go to bed around 8.  You are getting so strong.  We love you so much little man! I threw in some pictures of me on this same blanket.  Of course I was 3 1/2 months premature, and I'm not sure how old I am in these pictures.  You by far outweigh me!