Adoption Date...

This morning, we got an email sharing our new finalized adoption date.  It was a bit of a shocker to get that email-even though we had been waiting on it.  Luke and I have talked many times over the past few months about if we would actually sign the documents or not- making the kids officially "Williams."  To some, that might sound horrible and shocking- to others, you know what we've  been through the past few months.

They haven't been easy months.  The kids have come with baggage and issues that we have to work out and deal with on a daily basis.  Once you think you are past an issue, or it's getting better, wham- there it goes again.  It might be with one kid, or it might be with both, you just never seem to know.  Being thrown all of this over the past few months has worn Luke and I both out. We're exhausted in just trying to find our new "normal."

I've been praying hard the past few weeks about a peace for the whole situation.  I want to know that we are making the right decision not only for us, but for the kids.  I sometimes see us signing on the dotted line means signing our lives away. No more just the two of us (there's a song in there somewhere), no more kid free nights, no more doing what we want to do whenever we want to do it.  I worry about the issues our kids will face.  They have more baggage and wounds than normal bio kids would have.  I oftentimes worry about if and how I will be able to handle all of this.  Am I strong enough?  Can I do this right?  Will I regret making this forever decision somewhere down the road? 

In being blatantly honest with myself today, could I really tell these kids I didn't want to be their forever Mommy and Daddy?  Honestly, No.  If DHS took them away from us today would I be sad?  Extremely so.  I might get a few days rest with no worries, but in the long run I'd miss their noises and smells.  Lord knows there are new smells here everyday!!!  Would I miss the constant struggle with them- probably yes, but then again I know I wouldn't.  I'd forever be worried about who they were with and if they were safe.  I would wonder who they grew up to be and how they changed the world for the better.

I have come to love these two precious kids for who they are.  Yes they have baggage and issues.  We're working through those with counseling on a weekly basis.  Would I miss the laughter I hear or the funny stories they share.  You bet. 

So, even though I'm still praying for perfect peace- I know when that court date comes, Luke and I will make the right decision for our family.  One that completes us as a family of 4.  Do we all have baggage and failures when we come before the Lord? OMG Yes, on a daily basis.  Does he turn us down and say He can't be our Daddy anymore?  I'm so thankful He doesn't do that.  Does He remind us daily of our short comings?  No, and I try to let each morning be a new morning with the kids.

For now, I'm simply praying for His perfect peace and guidance in every situation for our family.  Will everyone understand our decisions?  Nope, but do I understand the choices some people make- heck no.  That's for them to decide and as we like to say around here, "You worry about yourself."