A Diagnosis behind the Drama

I haven't blogged in a while mainly because nothing has changed in the Williams household.  The behavior is still the same, some have gotten better- some worse.  The amount of chaos in our house still remains the same.  Some days are better than others.  Some days I struggle to be the kind of Mom I think I should be versus the kind of Mom I have to be.

Today, we got a diagnosis to match what Luke and I thought all along.  One of our kiddos has RAD- Reactive Attachment Disorder.  It's a very general diagnosis, and not all kids are that kind of severe.  However, it's still a diagnosis- and no one wants their kiddos to have that. 

So, along with the ADHD we now have RAD to consider in our parenting.  Reactive Attachment Disorder is a disorder resulting from trauma in the early years of childhood.  It means these kids look for manipulation and control at every corner.  It explains for me and Luke how we have one good family day- and the next day is horrible.  They don't like to be comfortable- they want chaos.  They thrive in constant chaos and control.  The hard part is not giving into that control.

So, it's where we go from here that is important.  This will always be a struggle for one of our kids- and I'm thinking the other one as well.  We're praying and hopeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  It's oh so exhausting.  What works for "normal" kids, does not work for our children.  Period.  There simply is no getting around it. 

We will continue with counseling, therapy, and doctor appointments.  My one word of advice to anyone struggling with this- find a support group.  Find one group of friends you can lean on and do that with all you have!  And PRAY!!!  We know God is in this and has all authority over this.  However, it's still not easy. 

On a positive note though, this kid is more than their diagnosis.  They are still a little being that is fearfully and wonderfully made.  Do I blame their bad home for this?  Absolutely.  However, had they  not had their bad home- they wouldn't know this loving home. 

So, if you see me out and about and somehow I don't remember something you asked me- please understand my mind is swimming in 9 million directions.  The way I parent is always one step ahead of the kids- at every turn.  I have to think about how I react and what I need to say.  I have to show no emotion or upset at something they do because it's what they want.  They long for chaos and control and will manipulate at every turn for it.

 It's hard for me not to be able to juggle everything anymore.  I'm so used to being completely organized and in control of everything.  I like everything to have it's place.  With RAD- nothing make sense and it all makes sense at once.  The Lord is teaching me how to lose control and it's OK.  As long as He's got me- we're all going to come on the other side of this in one piece.  I just might not have as much hair! LOL!