Do you know the Muffin Man?

Kingston and I spent the day together.  We went to Target to shop and he found muffin mix.  He wanted to make muffins. So, we did.  We sang, "Do you know the Muffin Man" while working on making the muffins.  Kingston did it all himself, even smashing (cracking) the egg.  I asked him where he learned to crack an egg and he said, "My Daddy taught me."  I teared up for sure.  We set the timer and waited for them to come out of the oven. I smeared butter on his muffin.  He gave it a thumbs up.  After that, we went on a "hike."  I told him I knew where a pond was if he wanted to see it.  We walked or hiked as he said to the other side of the neighborhood.  He threw rocks in the water and was so fascinated by it.  After our walk I needed to get supper started.  I started cutting up a salad.  I asked him if he knew what a bell pepper was.  He got all excited and said, "Yes, I do.  Daddy ate one of those.  He ate one and went to the dentist, and his heart stopped, and the dentist couldn't fix him.  My Daddy died."  I wasn't prepared for that.  I took a deep breath and told him, "Well, you're right.  Your Daddy went to the Dr. though. The dentist helped fix Daddy's teeth.  The Dr. couldn't start his heart again, and he did die."  We both got tears in our eyes. I said, "I miss your Daddy, do you?"  He just shook his head and we hugged it out. 

I had the best time with Kingston that day.  We had lunch with Nana and then it was just the two of us.  He does little things that remind me of Chris.  His laugh- sounds just like Chris when he was little.  It was so easy with Kingston.....so unlike with my kids.  I didn't have to be 5 steps ahead and thinking what they were manipulating me for.  The word no, simply meant NO....no argument needed.  Even when he couldn't see me, he still had a conscience and knew and followed what the rules were.  My kids don't do that.  Spending time with Kingston was not only good for him, but it is so therapeutic for me.  It leaves me wishing Luke and I had done so many things different.  It makes me realize the chaos I live in daily all because my kids's needs weren't met at a young age.  It makes me sad for them, but extremely sad for myself.  Call it selfish if you must, but it's just plain reality. 

I'll keep spending time with Kingston.  Chris would have wanted that.  Aunt Isis can teach him all the things Chris would have wanted him to know.  Family is important for sure.