Our little girl was trying on dresses this afternoon. One was rather big. She was just giggling as she came in the kitchen. She asked me if it was lady-like. I told her no, that if your boobies are showing, then it is not lady like. Our little boy was sitting at the bar watching all of this eating a snack. When our little girl walked off, he looked at me straight faced and said, "Mom, she's just gonna have to wait til they grow out." I almost spit my drink across the kitchen. I asked him, "What do you mean?" Of course, I was thinking he was being a typical man, but then he said, "She's gonna have to grow up bigger." Whew, that was close. I couldn't help but excuse myself to our bathroom and laugh!
On the other hand our little girl just came up and gave me a huge hug- smelling of cheeze-its. She asked for the 4th time what we were having for supper. I told her. She was looking at me typing and said, "Williams, am I a Williams?" I told her in August she will be officially a Williams. That got me a huge hug. She asked me if at the dr. and dentist she would be a Williams. I told her yes. She said that's awesome, because I don't like my other name at all. Brought tears to my eyes.
I sure love these kids even though it's so hard sometimes!
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Adoption Date...
This morning, we got an email sharing our new finalized adoption date. It was a bit of a shocker to get that email-even though we had been waiting on it. Luke and I have talked many times over the past few months about if we would actually sign the documents or not- making the kids officially "Williams." To some, that might sound horrible and shocking- to others, you know what we've been through the past few months.
They haven't been easy months. The kids have come with baggage and issues that we have to work out and deal with on a daily basis. Once you think you are past an issue, or it's getting better, wham- there it goes again. It might be with one kid, or it might be with both, you just never seem to know. Being thrown all of this over the past few months has worn Luke and I both out. We're exhausted in just trying to find our new "normal."
I've been praying hard the past few weeks about a peace for the whole situation. I want to know that we are making the right decision not only for us, but for the kids. I sometimes see us signing on the dotted line means signing our lives away. No more just the two of us (there's a song in there somewhere), no more kid free nights, no more doing what we want to do whenever we want to do it. I worry about the issues our kids will face. They have more baggage and wounds than normal bio kids would have. I oftentimes worry about if and how I will be able to handle all of this. Am I strong enough? Can I do this right? Will I regret making this forever decision somewhere down the road?
In being blatantly honest with myself today, could I really tell these kids I didn't want to be their forever Mommy and Daddy? Honestly, No. If DHS took them away from us today would I be sad? Extremely so. I might get a few days rest with no worries, but in the long run I'd miss their noises and smells. Lord knows there are new smells here everyday!!! Would I miss the constant struggle with them- probably yes, but then again I know I wouldn't. I'd forever be worried about who they were with and if they were safe. I would wonder who they grew up to be and how they changed the world for the better.
I have come to love these two precious kids for who they are. Yes they have baggage and issues. We're working through those with counseling on a weekly basis. Would I miss the laughter I hear or the funny stories they share. You bet.
So, even though I'm still praying for perfect peace- I know when that court date comes, Luke and I will make the right decision for our family. One that completes us as a family of 4. Do we all have baggage and failures when we come before the Lord? OMG Yes, on a daily basis. Does he turn us down and say He can't be our Daddy anymore? I'm so thankful He doesn't do that. Does He remind us daily of our short comings? No, and I try to let each morning be a new morning with the kids.
For now, I'm simply praying for His perfect peace and guidance in every situation for our family. Will everyone understand our decisions? Nope, but do I understand the choices some people make- heck no. That's for them to decide and as we like to say around here, "You worry about yourself."
They haven't been easy months. The kids have come with baggage and issues that we have to work out and deal with on a daily basis. Once you think you are past an issue, or it's getting better, wham- there it goes again. It might be with one kid, or it might be with both, you just never seem to know. Being thrown all of this over the past few months has worn Luke and I both out. We're exhausted in just trying to find our new "normal."
I've been praying hard the past few weeks about a peace for the whole situation. I want to know that we are making the right decision not only for us, but for the kids. I sometimes see us signing on the dotted line means signing our lives away. No more just the two of us (there's a song in there somewhere), no more kid free nights, no more doing what we want to do whenever we want to do it. I worry about the issues our kids will face. They have more baggage and wounds than normal bio kids would have. I oftentimes worry about if and how I will be able to handle all of this. Am I strong enough? Can I do this right? Will I regret making this forever decision somewhere down the road?
In being blatantly honest with myself today, could I really tell these kids I didn't want to be their forever Mommy and Daddy? Honestly, No. If DHS took them away from us today would I be sad? Extremely so. I might get a few days rest with no worries, but in the long run I'd miss their noises and smells. Lord knows there are new smells here everyday!!! Would I miss the constant struggle with them- probably yes, but then again I know I wouldn't. I'd forever be worried about who they were with and if they were safe. I would wonder who they grew up to be and how they changed the world for the better.
I have come to love these two precious kids for who they are. Yes they have baggage and issues. We're working through those with counseling on a weekly basis. Would I miss the laughter I hear or the funny stories they share. You bet.
So, even though I'm still praying for perfect peace- I know when that court date comes, Luke and I will make the right decision for our family. One that completes us as a family of 4. Do we all have baggage and failures when we come before the Lord? OMG Yes, on a daily basis. Does he turn us down and say He can't be our Daddy anymore? I'm so thankful He doesn't do that. Does He remind us daily of our short comings? No, and I try to let each morning be a new morning with the kids.
For now, I'm simply praying for His perfect peace and guidance in every situation for our family. Will everyone understand our decisions? Nope, but do I understand the choices some people make- heck no. That's for them to decide and as we like to say around here, "You worry about yourself."
Friday, April 4, 2014
Seeing Changes....
We've had a great couple of days with the kids. Their manners are improving, the lying has gotten better, and the complaining isn't as often. It's the small things. Yesterday, was a rough day for me and Luke regarding an incident that was out of our control. When other people choose to stick their nose in your business, well, it sometimes can make things seem like something they aren't.
After a rough morning, we went together to our first parent/teacher conference. Both teachers had awesome things to say about the kids. Our girl's teacher even stated that me and our little girl looked a lot alike. I thought that was pretty cool. Both kids are doing great academically and in school. We are blessed to have great teachers we both seem to like!
As Luke and I were leaving the school yesterday, we stopped to see our little girl's artwork on the wall. It was for St. Patrick's Day (or Leprechaun Day as our little boy called it). They had to write a small paragraph about what was better than gold. Our little girl wrote with several misspelled words, "God is better than gold because he died on the cross." I got tears in my eyes. I looked at Luke and said, "We must be doing something right."
On the way to school this morning, we have started talking about what we can do to help someone else. In other words, what can you do nice for someone. We talked about several things on the way to school. When the kids got out, our little boy waited for the girl in front of him to go in. He waited to open the door for her. I was so proud of him, and the choice he decided to make!
In Bible Study, we're doing a study on Nehemiah. I was really struggling from yesterday about the attack we seem to be under lately. In the study this morning I was reminded of Nehemiah's faithfulness to remember the Lord and pray about everything. Rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem was a daunting task, but it was one the Lord called him to do. The workers grew weary of removing the rubble from the old wall. They were under constant attack, but they kept the faith and kept building that wall.
The Lord reminded me this morning- He's called us to do this. He's called us to remove the rubble from these kids lives. It's a daunting task- one that oftentimes has left me wondering why we even chose to do this. I was reminded that I, like Nehemiah, have to keep the faith. I also have to be on guard. These men rebuilt that wall while on guard. They worked one hand on the wall, and one hand on the sword. Luke and I have to work the same way- one hand on removing the old rubble from the kids past- work through it- all the while having our hand on the sword. We know we're under attack from Satan- and we also know we have God on our side. If He's for us, who can be against us!
After a rough morning, we went together to our first parent/teacher conference. Both teachers had awesome things to say about the kids. Our girl's teacher even stated that me and our little girl looked a lot alike. I thought that was pretty cool. Both kids are doing great academically and in school. We are blessed to have great teachers we both seem to like!
As Luke and I were leaving the school yesterday, we stopped to see our little girl's artwork on the wall. It was for St. Patrick's Day (or Leprechaun Day as our little boy called it). They had to write a small paragraph about what was better than gold. Our little girl wrote with several misspelled words, "God is better than gold because he died on the cross." I got tears in my eyes. I looked at Luke and said, "We must be doing something right."
On the way to school this morning, we have started talking about what we can do to help someone else. In other words, what can you do nice for someone. We talked about several things on the way to school. When the kids got out, our little boy waited for the girl in front of him to go in. He waited to open the door for her. I was so proud of him, and the choice he decided to make!
In Bible Study, we're doing a study on Nehemiah. I was really struggling from yesterday about the attack we seem to be under lately. In the study this morning I was reminded of Nehemiah's faithfulness to remember the Lord and pray about everything. Rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem was a daunting task, but it was one the Lord called him to do. The workers grew weary of removing the rubble from the old wall. They were under constant attack, but they kept the faith and kept building that wall.
The Lord reminded me this morning- He's called us to do this. He's called us to remove the rubble from these kids lives. It's a daunting task- one that oftentimes has left me wondering why we even chose to do this. I was reminded that I, like Nehemiah, have to keep the faith. I also have to be on guard. These men rebuilt that wall while on guard. They worked one hand on the wall, and one hand on the sword. Luke and I have to work the same way- one hand on removing the old rubble from the kids past- work through it- all the while having our hand on the sword. We know we're under attack from Satan- and we also know we have God on our side. If He's for us, who can be against us!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
A Good Day...
Today has been a great day with the kids. I choose to cherish today as a good day. Mainly because the good days are few and far between as of lately. The kids have had a horrible time with entitlement, lying, and complaining these past few weeks. It's been a roller coaster of emotions for our whole family. We have found that chores and manners go a long way when we choose to use them.
I haven't had much to blog about lately- mainly because I can't seem to get my thoughts written down the way I want them to be. This journey has been stressful and really trying for me the past few weeks. I feel like I've been simply surviving.
Today, I see a small turning point. There were no tears today when asked to do chores for our bad behavior. They both had good days at school- which were rewarded with ice cream at the Salem Dairy Bar.
I have made a decision to look on the bright side today. Today, I was able to just enjoy being with the kids instead of having to be a "mean" Mommy. We laughed as we smeared ice cream all over our faces. They said Thank You- and meant it. They even thanked me for making them dinner.
It's been Williams Bootcamp the past few weeks here at the house. We have, however, had a few positive days. Last Saturday, we went to the Daffodil Festival at Old Washington. The kids ate huge corn dogs and had funnel cakes. We listened to music and looked at the arts and crafts. We even visited the Bass Pro Shop and ate Mexican for dinner. It was a great family fun day.
I'm looking forward to more days like today. Relaxing, fun, and just enjoying them for once. Maybe they might even enjoy me too! Our little girl says all the time, "Mom, you're the best Mom ever!" I have decided instead of getting tired of hearing that, I'd better enjoy it. One day, she might not say that to me ever again! LOL!
I haven't had much to blog about lately- mainly because I can't seem to get my thoughts written down the way I want them to be. This journey has been stressful and really trying for me the past few weeks. I feel like I've been simply surviving.
Today, I see a small turning point. There were no tears today when asked to do chores for our bad behavior. They both had good days at school- which were rewarded with ice cream at the Salem Dairy Bar.
I have made a decision to look on the bright side today. Today, I was able to just enjoy being with the kids instead of having to be a "mean" Mommy. We laughed as we smeared ice cream all over our faces. They said Thank You- and meant it. They even thanked me for making them dinner.
It's been Williams Bootcamp the past few weeks here at the house. We have, however, had a few positive days. Last Saturday, we went to the Daffodil Festival at Old Washington. The kids ate huge corn dogs and had funnel cakes. We listened to music and looked at the arts and crafts. We even visited the Bass Pro Shop and ate Mexican for dinner. It was a great family fun day.
I'm looking forward to more days like today. Relaxing, fun, and just enjoying them for once. Maybe they might even enjoy me too! Our little girl says all the time, "Mom, you're the best Mom ever!" I have decided instead of getting tired of hearing that, I'd better enjoy it. One day, she might not say that to me ever again! LOL!
Thursday, February 27, 2014
A Dog named Breezie....
Luke and I finally decided to try out an inside dog for our family. We were FINALLY approved for the ARFA organization for rescues. My gosh, I've never been turned down from so many places trying to adopt a dog before. Not to toot my own horn- but to turn us down from rescuing a dog?!! Seriously?!!!
So, a lady is bringing Breezie out to meet our family on Saturday. I actually allowed myself to get excited about it yesterday. I went to Target and bought her a bed. I've been looking at collars and crates to see what would work best. She's a Yorkie/Dauschand Mix. I've never had either of these breeds before. I really wanted a Cocker Spaniel, however, it seemed like the Lord didn't want me to have one right now!
I'm not sure how she's going to do with the kids. It will be a trial run for sure. Luke expects her to stay- so I'm allowing myself to think that way too. I've missed my Madison for 4 months now. I still cry when I think about her and miss the companionship so much! All of our outside dogs are "special needs" and older. I think having a young one for the kids to grow up with will be awesome. She only weighs 8.5 lbs. I've NEVER had a dog this small- we are big dog people. It's amazing how small everything is for her! I'm hoping she'll be a great travel dog as well!
Here's to hoping she's Breezie Williams soon. She's got to have a middle name though- all of ours do!
So, a lady is bringing Breezie out to meet our family on Saturday. I actually allowed myself to get excited about it yesterday. I went to Target and bought her a bed. I've been looking at collars and crates to see what would work best. She's a Yorkie/Dauschand Mix. I've never had either of these breeds before. I really wanted a Cocker Spaniel, however, it seemed like the Lord didn't want me to have one right now!
I'm not sure how she's going to do with the kids. It will be a trial run for sure. Luke expects her to stay- so I'm allowing myself to think that way too. I've missed my Madison for 4 months now. I still cry when I think about her and miss the companionship so much! All of our outside dogs are "special needs" and older. I think having a young one for the kids to grow up with will be awesome. She only weighs 8.5 lbs. I've NEVER had a dog this small- we are big dog people. It's amazing how small everything is for her! I'm hoping she'll be a great travel dog as well!
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Funny Sayings from Kids...
The kids have been saying things off and on that just crack me up. I wanted to write them down so I could remember them. Also, we've had some really sweet things said to us that I'd like to remember too.
1. Our little boy looked horrified at Cracker Barrel when I ordered catfish. When it came to the table, he asked me, "Mom, are you eating Cat or Fish?" When I told him it was both, he said, "Oh you're eating George and Aly?!!!" We tried to explain to him that Catfish were actually fish, but I'm not sure if he got it or not.
2. Popeyes- otherwise known to our little boy as Poke-ies. He asked if we were going to eat at Poke-ies. Ummm....no.
3. When I took our little girl to the foot dr. the other day. We were looking at all the gross videos and pictures. She looked on the wall where they had items for sale. Her eyes got huge and she said, "Oh no Mom! Someone's foot fell off. I bet that hurt a lot!" I was trying not to laugh when I noticed a foot model for Diabetic socks. It was a plastic foot!
4. Our little boy has been saying, "Ummm, Ahhh" before every sentence and thought. We told him the other day to stop saying that because it was really annoying. He paused and said, "Ok, I'm just going to say Umm Ahh in my head. Ok?" Yeah sure, whatever!
5. After a really rough night with our little boy, he came in the next morning and said, "Mom, I wish I had lived here since a baby. I wish you'd had me as a baby." After I picked my heart up off the floor, I told him that I did too. I wish all the bad stuff hadn't happened to him. I told him that that would never happen here at our house. However, all the bad stuff that happened to him would one day make him a better person.
1. Our little boy looked horrified at Cracker Barrel when I ordered catfish. When it came to the table, he asked me, "Mom, are you eating Cat or Fish?" When I told him it was both, he said, "Oh you're eating George and Aly?!!!" We tried to explain to him that Catfish were actually fish, but I'm not sure if he got it or not.
2. Popeyes- otherwise known to our little boy as Poke-ies. He asked if we were going to eat at Poke-ies. Ummm....no.
3. When I took our little girl to the foot dr. the other day. We were looking at all the gross videos and pictures. She looked on the wall where they had items for sale. Her eyes got huge and she said, "Oh no Mom! Someone's foot fell off. I bet that hurt a lot!" I was trying not to laugh when I noticed a foot model for Diabetic socks. It was a plastic foot!
4. Our little boy has been saying, "Ummm, Ahhh" before every sentence and thought. We told him the other day to stop saying that because it was really annoying. He paused and said, "Ok, I'm just going to say Umm Ahh in my head. Ok?" Yeah sure, whatever!
5. After a really rough night with our little boy, he came in the next morning and said, "Mom, I wish I had lived here since a baby. I wish you'd had me as a baby." After I picked my heart up off the floor, I told him that I did too. I wish all the bad stuff hadn't happened to him. I told him that that would never happen here at our house. However, all the bad stuff that happened to him would one day make him a better person.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Court...
Luke and I drove over 3 hours to get to court yesterday with the kids. We were set up with snacks, a timer, reward charts, and a portable dvd player. It was a great day for behavior with the kids. They did wonderful considering the circumstances of spending all day in the car.
When we got to court- we weren't surprised it was running late. Well, we didn't know how late. We waited over 3 hours- without being able to go get lunch. I was so thankful I had packed many snacks in the car. It was very hard going into that court room knowing that this is where it all began for our kids. This is where they lost their parents, found a wonderful foster mom, and yesterday were able to set up their forever family date.
It was also extremely stressful for me and Luke. Not only were we terrified of running into their bio family- we don't even know what they look like or who they are! So, everytime someone would look at the kids, I was immediately on the defensive. I felt like we were a deck of cards- only I didn't have any cards or even the upper hand!
We saw many people and situations yesterday that were hard to take in. Our little boy immediately shut down as we walked into the court house. He was back to his shy self and only nodding his head. I was just trying to hold it all together. They sat in our laps most of the day. The sweetest thing I saw was our little boy laying his head on his Daddy's shoulders and just resting.
When we finally were able to go into the court room, I was a nervous wreck. My poor stomach was in knots, I had no idea what to expect. Our little girl never let go of my hand the entire time. The judge was SUPER nice and soft spoken. They read over what the kids had been through as far as the court system went. He told the kids that he was sure things had definitely changed for the better for them. We set up our "gotcha" date. The social worker wanted it set for 8:30 am. she told the judge I loved Branson- and she wanted us to make a weekend out of it. He just laughed, looked at Luke and said, "I think your wallet is going to get a little lighter." And with that, it was over.
We walked back to the car hand in hand- as a family. We immediately went to Sonic where the kids got Corn Dog Wacky Packs. Luke and I had trouble eating as our stomach was still in knots. My root beer and I had a moment in the parking lot. I was finally able to breathe again.
We headed home and stopped only once to eat at a Chinese Buffet. The kids were once again their new selves full of laughter and picking on one another. I hope someday they realize how blessed they are- but in the reality of things, it's really Luke and I who are blessed!
When we got to court- we weren't surprised it was running late. Well, we didn't know how late. We waited over 3 hours- without being able to go get lunch. I was so thankful I had packed many snacks in the car. It was very hard going into that court room knowing that this is where it all began for our kids. This is where they lost their parents, found a wonderful foster mom, and yesterday were able to set up their forever family date.
It was also extremely stressful for me and Luke. Not only were we terrified of running into their bio family- we don't even know what they look like or who they are! So, everytime someone would look at the kids, I was immediately on the defensive. I felt like we were a deck of cards- only I didn't have any cards or even the upper hand!
We saw many people and situations yesterday that were hard to take in. Our little boy immediately shut down as we walked into the court house. He was back to his shy self and only nodding his head. I was just trying to hold it all together. They sat in our laps most of the day. The sweetest thing I saw was our little boy laying his head on his Daddy's shoulders and just resting.
When we finally were able to go into the court room, I was a nervous wreck. My poor stomach was in knots, I had no idea what to expect. Our little girl never let go of my hand the entire time. The judge was SUPER nice and soft spoken. They read over what the kids had been through as far as the court system went. He told the kids that he was sure things had definitely changed for the better for them. We set up our "gotcha" date. The social worker wanted it set for 8:30 am. she told the judge I loved Branson- and she wanted us to make a weekend out of it. He just laughed, looked at Luke and said, "I think your wallet is going to get a little lighter." And with that, it was over.
We walked back to the car hand in hand- as a family. We immediately went to Sonic where the kids got Corn Dog Wacky Packs. Luke and I had trouble eating as our stomach was still in knots. My root beer and I had a moment in the parking lot. I was finally able to breathe again.
We headed home and stopped only once to eat at a Chinese Buffet. The kids were once again their new selves full of laughter and picking on one another. I hope someday they realize how blessed they are- but in the reality of things, it's really Luke and I who are blessed!
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