Even though I don't feel the need to post this entry, I want too. It was brought to my attention through a hurtful comment about how I wasn't being a good parent to these kids. I just have one thing to say to whoever the "Anonymous" commenter was. Really? Have you ever walked a day in my shoes?
How can someone judge me and not even sign their name. That's just cowardly and uncalled for. The ONLY reason I have a blog is so I can someday scrapbook our daily life events. If it's a public blog well then so be it. I was told I was being too negative about my kids. Well to say this whole adoption journey has been all roses and sweet smelling things would totally not be the truth. It's been extremely hard and daunting at times. We've gone through ups and downs and trying times. Adopting older kids is VERY hard. Am I always cut out for the job? Well, no. Will I always do things like "everyone" else? Umm...no. And in fact I've never been one to fit anyone's mold. I've done things unlike everyone else because I simply want too. I was never one to follow a crowd in school. I did my own thing. Is there a such thing as a perfect parent? Well, I haven't met one yet.
There is no parenting book to cover all of our issues. Trust me, we've both read numerous ones. Some things work, others don't. We may parent differently than you did your own kids, but is that really any of your concern? It shouldn't be.
Am I control freak? Maybe, do I like to have things a certain way- who doesn't. I'm human. Our kids operate well on a schedule. They like knowing what comes next. What foods we are going to eat that day and when. Did your kids talk about their "bad" home? Did they tell you things that will make your hair curl and you get so angry at another person for hurting your child? I doubt it.
So, instead of judging me, why don't you pray for me and Luke. That's what we really need. And, from now on, if you can't say anything nice- well then please don't say anything at all. I'm not angry at you, I simply think Satan used you to get under our skin. So, from here on out, this won't bother me anymore. I know we are doing what the Lord called us to do. It has nothing to do with you.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Fun Filled Family Day...
Yesterday, our family spent the whole day together. We went to counseling that morning- which is being moved out to every 2 weeks. We can do this- I know we can- it just makes me a little nervous. The kids are doing great in counseling. I've seen massive strides in R over the past few days. He actually visited with the counselor and with our adoption specialist in the past few days. In fact, he gave our adoption specialist a hug before she left. That was HUGE!
We went to the Museum of Discovery yesterday afternoon. Was it worth the $40 bucks we spent to get in? Probably not. We did have fun though. Sometimes I think Luke enjoyed it more than the kids and me. The kids are getting more comfortable trying new things. Little A was glued to me all through the museum. She loved looking at the animals the most. Little R loved hanging out with Luke and doing all the scientific exhibits. After the MOD, we went to lunch at the Flying Fish. Luke and I love to eat there. The kids were amazed by their kids meals. They came in paper boats. It was fun to watch.
After Flying Fish, we headed to Toys R Us to get the kids backpacks for school. Little R picked out Mario Brothers while little A went straight for Ariel. Well, that is after a little negotiation about how Barbie probably wouldn't last through the school year with her braided hair. I think they were happy with their choices.
That afternoon, we went to the swimming pool to start swimming lessons with PaPa. Dad taught me how to swim and I want the kids to know that skill also. They are really unsure at first. Swimming in water is a BIG trust issue. We've been talking with both kids about commands versus a question. They are beginning to learn that when we ask them to do something, it's not always a negotiation. I was shocked to have spent most of the time with R yesterday in the pool. He kicked with the best of them and really came a HUGE way in trusting me. It really was amazing to watch. By the end of the day, both were jumping off the edge of the pool- in the shallow water of course. I think by the end of the summer they will really get the hang of it. It was a fun filled family day!
We went to the Museum of Discovery yesterday afternoon. Was it worth the $40 bucks we spent to get in? Probably not. We did have fun though. Sometimes I think Luke enjoyed it more than the kids and me. The kids are getting more comfortable trying new things. Little A was glued to me all through the museum. She loved looking at the animals the most. Little R loved hanging out with Luke and doing all the scientific exhibits. After the MOD, we went to lunch at the Flying Fish. Luke and I love to eat there. The kids were amazed by their kids meals. They came in paper boats. It was fun to watch.
After Flying Fish, we headed to Toys R Us to get the kids backpacks for school. Little R picked out Mario Brothers while little A went straight for Ariel. Well, that is after a little negotiation about how Barbie probably wouldn't last through the school year with her braided hair. I think they were happy with their choices.
That afternoon, we went to the swimming pool to start swimming lessons with PaPa. Dad taught me how to swim and I want the kids to know that skill also. They are really unsure at first. Swimming in water is a BIG trust issue. We've been talking with both kids about commands versus a question. They are beginning to learn that when we ask them to do something, it's not always a negotiation. I was shocked to have spent most of the time with R yesterday in the pool. He kicked with the best of them and really came a HUGE way in trusting me. It really was amazing to watch. By the end of the day, both were jumping off the edge of the pool- in the shallow water of course. I think by the end of the summer they will really get the hang of it. It was a fun filled family day!
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Lessons from Peeing on your carpet?!
Yes, you read my title right- peeing on your carpet. Little R and I have worked all day trying to get out a very distinct smell from his room. I noticed it yesterday while cleaning. I couldn't put my finger on the smell, so I got down like any good Mom would do, and put my nose to the floor. Yep, by his bed I smelled pee.
Luke happened to pick him up from daycare yesterday- yes, I said daycare- don't judge me. Luke got several stories about how pee happened to end up on his carpet. Apparently little R didn't want to get up and go to the bathroom because his door was closed. So, he "fell" off of his bed and decided to do it right there. On my cleaned carpet. To say I was angry was an understatement. I work my tail off at home to make our house look nice.
So, last night little R learned how to use the carpet cleaner. After he was in bed, did he get up again for his nightly- "I have to tell you something," or "I need a drink" or scream for 3 hours- nope, he went right to sleep.
This morning we went and did our job cleaning someone else's house. He did an awesome job on the baseboards and hard to reach places. When we got home today, he had to clean the carpet again with a solution I found on Pinterest to get the smell out. Is it still there? Yep, sure is.
He asked me again if I was mad. I told him "Yes son, I'm mad at you. I still love you, but I'm extremely mad that you decided to use the carpet as your potty." We have had a good day talking things out, but still am I mad- heck yeah! However, I do love our talks about the issue. I've brought up zoo animals, our dogs, and just plain pigs to make my point. Little R didn't think the idea of living in a dog house sounded too cool. I sure hope he doesn't do this again, but who knows- he might. We just have to love him through it and teach him right from wrong. Crazy little dude.
This whole foster/adopt thing is hard. The kids don't understand some things that a "normal" kid would. They don't have a currency you can pull away to make an impact. They have stolen things from family and us. They have lied more times than you can count, and they have been horribly disrespectful.
On the flip side, they have loved us more than any two kids can. They say it all the time- sometimes to manipulate- which doesn't work. I put myself in their shoes daily. They were left with us to learn to trust, obey, and love. We are working on the first two, but the last one- well they do with all their hearts.
That's the thing I need to hold dear. They love us and are learning to trust.
Luke happened to pick him up from daycare yesterday- yes, I said daycare- don't judge me. Luke got several stories about how pee happened to end up on his carpet. Apparently little R didn't want to get up and go to the bathroom because his door was closed. So, he "fell" off of his bed and decided to do it right there. On my cleaned carpet. To say I was angry was an understatement. I work my tail off at home to make our house look nice.
So, last night little R learned how to use the carpet cleaner. After he was in bed, did he get up again for his nightly- "I have to tell you something," or "I need a drink" or scream for 3 hours- nope, he went right to sleep.
This morning we went and did our job cleaning someone else's house. He did an awesome job on the baseboards and hard to reach places. When we got home today, he had to clean the carpet again with a solution I found on Pinterest to get the smell out. Is it still there? Yep, sure is.
He asked me again if I was mad. I told him "Yes son, I'm mad at you. I still love you, but I'm extremely mad that you decided to use the carpet as your potty." We have had a good day talking things out, but still am I mad- heck yeah! However, I do love our talks about the issue. I've brought up zoo animals, our dogs, and just plain pigs to make my point. Little R didn't think the idea of living in a dog house sounded too cool. I sure hope he doesn't do this again, but who knows- he might. We just have to love him through it and teach him right from wrong. Crazy little dude.
This whole foster/adopt thing is hard. The kids don't understand some things that a "normal" kid would. They don't have a currency you can pull away to make an impact. They have stolen things from family and us. They have lied more times than you can count, and they have been horribly disrespectful.
On the flip side, they have loved us more than any two kids can. They say it all the time- sometimes to manipulate- which doesn't work. I put myself in their shoes daily. They were left with us to learn to trust, obey, and love. We are working on the first two, but the last one- well they do with all their hearts.
That's the thing I need to hold dear. They love us and are learning to trust.
Monday, June 9, 2014
Life Lessons....
So, a few days ago we noticed that the kids' toilet was running very slowly. I asked the kids numerous times if they had flushed anything down it. The reply was always "No." Little R also had some issues with the plunger one morning resulting in a huge mess I had to clean up. The weekend came and went. We had our adoption/foster support group over for a cookout and had a blast! Yesterday, while running errands I asked the same old question if either of them had flushed something down the toilet.
Well, little R came up with one elaborate story of how a tube of toothpaste ended up in the toilet. He was cleaning up the trash in their bathroom when the tube just happened to fall into the toilet. Then, he accidentally tripped and flushed it down. While it was a great story and held my interest, I wasn't buying the whole "accidentally" thing. We asked him again over lunch to tell us the true story. While eating chips and salsa it came out. He did drop it in the toilet but didn't want to reach into the clean water and get it. So, he flushed it. Then later that morning, he had to do what we call "Big Business" and couldn't get all of it to go down, so he used the plunger- pushing the toothpaste further in the toilet. That was on Wednesday, we didn't find out the truth until Sunday afternoon. 5 days of using that toilet!
So, Luke and R went to get the necessities to do the big business of removing the toilet. Our friend Greg was nice enough to let us borrow some things including gloves. So, I took numerous tear filled pictures of R in his gloves, helping his Daddy, covering his nose, and learning the plumber business. We finally discovered the tube of toothpaste inside the bottom of the toilet. He had to dig it out.
I had flashbacks of my Dad making us clean out the van seats with socks on our hands. I couldn't help but laugh when R was getting the toothpaste out. It took a total of about 8 hours to remove the toilet and put it back on. R was in there the whole time helping his Daddy. He even helped me clean the bathroom afterwards.
This morning when I asked both of them if they were going to flush anything down the potty- their answer was an immediate "NO!" I hope he learned his lesson on what goes in the potty and what doesn't.
On a funny note though, I told him the other day we were having Cavatini for dinner. He said, "Oh yeah Mom, I know what goes on top of that- Farmer John." I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. So I asked a few more questions. Come to find out, "Farmer John" is the "White cheese stuff you sprinkle on Pizza Mom." Yep, he was talking about PARMESAN cheese! The joys of parenthood!
Well, little R came up with one elaborate story of how a tube of toothpaste ended up in the toilet. He was cleaning up the trash in their bathroom when the tube just happened to fall into the toilet. Then, he accidentally tripped and flushed it down. While it was a great story and held my interest, I wasn't buying the whole "accidentally" thing. We asked him again over lunch to tell us the true story. While eating chips and salsa it came out. He did drop it in the toilet but didn't want to reach into the clean water and get it. So, he flushed it. Then later that morning, he had to do what we call "Big Business" and couldn't get all of it to go down, so he used the plunger- pushing the toothpaste further in the toilet. That was on Wednesday, we didn't find out the truth until Sunday afternoon. 5 days of using that toilet!
So, Luke and R went to get the necessities to do the big business of removing the toilet. Our friend Greg was nice enough to let us borrow some things including gloves. So, I took numerous tear filled pictures of R in his gloves, helping his Daddy, covering his nose, and learning the plumber business. We finally discovered the tube of toothpaste inside the bottom of the toilet. He had to dig it out.
I had flashbacks of my Dad making us clean out the van seats with socks on our hands. I couldn't help but laugh when R was getting the toothpaste out. It took a total of about 8 hours to remove the toilet and put it back on. R was in there the whole time helping his Daddy. He even helped me clean the bathroom afterwards.
This morning when I asked both of them if they were going to flush anything down the potty- their answer was an immediate "NO!" I hope he learned his lesson on what goes in the potty and what doesn't.
On a funny note though, I told him the other day we were having Cavatini for dinner. He said, "Oh yeah Mom, I know what goes on top of that- Farmer John." I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. So I asked a few more questions. Come to find out, "Farmer John" is the "White cheese stuff you sprinkle on Pizza Mom." Yep, he was talking about PARMESAN cheese! The joys of parenthood!
Friday, May 23, 2014
A day at the zoo...
The kids and I had counseling this morning and then I decided I'd let them skip school for the day. We went to meet some friends at the zoo. We had a wonderful time. I was exhausted by the time we got home. It was still a shock to me when our friend's little boy asked who the girl was with me. I said, "My daughter." It still sounds strange on my lips.
We saw lots of animals today- a big shock for the Little Rock Zoo. We ate lunch at the Africa Cafe. The line was SO stinkin' long. The food was good, but the wait was ridiculous. It was a blast all sitting around a big table talking with the moms and watching the kids interact. This was one of the first times I've been out as a "Mom" and having my kids really interact with other kids in front of me. It was a wonderful thing. I found myself today loving my kids and actually feeling like a real family. It's tough forming a bond when you adopt kids that are older. Today, was one of the first days I felt like a normal Mom, in a normal place, loving on her normal kids. It was so wonderful.
I overheard our little girl today talking to my friend Anna's little girl. She mentioned to her that she wanted to be a Mom when she grew up. Then she says, "Well, actually I want to be a teacher like my Mom, she went to school for that. But, then she got married instead. I so want to do that when I get older." Too sweet.
While at the zoo we saw 2 apes during mating season. Well, the kids saw it too. I had to turn around to keep from laughing. On the car ride home. Our little girl said, "Mom, my favorite animal was the monkey today at the zoo, but why was she sitting on her baby?" I just told her I didn't know and couldn't help but laugh.
Our little boy told me in the car ride home that he enjoyed his day at the zoo. He loved making new friends. This was a big step for us as a family. We did something totally sporadic. The kids have issues with having to know what's happening next at all times. It can really wear you out. So, we're working on being spontaneous. Our little girl had issues when I told her we were going to go to the zoo. She was set on going to school and didn't like the change. She turned around totally once we got there and met up with other kids. I think this was the first time they met kids and felt totally accepted and not different. They had a forever Mom, forever family, and now some great kids to call friends. It was a wonderful day.
We saw lots of animals today- a big shock for the Little Rock Zoo. We ate lunch at the Africa Cafe. The line was SO stinkin' long. The food was good, but the wait was ridiculous. It was a blast all sitting around a big table talking with the moms and watching the kids interact. This was one of the first times I've been out as a "Mom" and having my kids really interact with other kids in front of me. It was a wonderful thing. I found myself today loving my kids and actually feeling like a real family. It's tough forming a bond when you adopt kids that are older. Today, was one of the first days I felt like a normal Mom, in a normal place, loving on her normal kids. It was so wonderful.
I overheard our little girl today talking to my friend Anna's little girl. She mentioned to her that she wanted to be a Mom when she grew up. Then she says, "Well, actually I want to be a teacher like my Mom, she went to school for that. But, then she got married instead. I so want to do that when I get older." Too sweet.
While at the zoo we saw 2 apes during mating season. Well, the kids saw it too. I had to turn around to keep from laughing. On the car ride home. Our little girl said, "Mom, my favorite animal was the monkey today at the zoo, but why was she sitting on her baby?" I just told her I didn't know and couldn't help but laugh.
Our little boy told me in the car ride home that he enjoyed his day at the zoo. He loved making new friends. This was a big step for us as a family. We did something totally sporadic. The kids have issues with having to know what's happening next at all times. It can really wear you out. So, we're working on being spontaneous. Our little girl had issues when I told her we were going to go to the zoo. She was set on going to school and didn't like the change. She turned around totally once we got there and met up with other kids. I think this was the first time they met kids and felt totally accepted and not different. They had a forever Mom, forever family, and now some great kids to call friends. It was a wonderful day.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Needed a Laugh...
Our little girl was trying on dresses this afternoon. One was rather big. She was just giggling as she came in the kitchen. She asked me if it was lady-like. I told her no, that if your boobies are showing, then it is not lady like. Our little boy was sitting at the bar watching all of this eating a snack. When our little girl walked off, he looked at me straight faced and said, "Mom, she's just gonna have to wait til they grow out." I almost spit my drink across the kitchen. I asked him, "What do you mean?" Of course, I was thinking he was being a typical man, but then he said, "She's gonna have to grow up bigger." Whew, that was close. I couldn't help but excuse myself to our bathroom and laugh!
On the other hand our little girl just came up and gave me a huge hug- smelling of cheeze-its. She asked for the 4th time what we were having for supper. I told her. She was looking at me typing and said, "Williams, am I a Williams?" I told her in August she will be officially a Williams. That got me a huge hug. She asked me if at the dr. and dentist she would be a Williams. I told her yes. She said that's awesome, because I don't like my other name at all. Brought tears to my eyes.
I sure love these kids even though it's so hard sometimes!
On the other hand our little girl just came up and gave me a huge hug- smelling of cheeze-its. She asked for the 4th time what we were having for supper. I told her. She was looking at me typing and said, "Williams, am I a Williams?" I told her in August she will be officially a Williams. That got me a huge hug. She asked me if at the dr. and dentist she would be a Williams. I told her yes. She said that's awesome, because I don't like my other name at all. Brought tears to my eyes.
I sure love these kids even though it's so hard sometimes!
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Adoption Date...
This morning, we got an email sharing our new finalized adoption date. It was a bit of a shocker to get that email-even though we had been waiting on it. Luke and I have talked many times over the past few months about if we would actually sign the documents or not- making the kids officially "Williams." To some, that might sound horrible and shocking- to others, you know what we've been through the past few months.
They haven't been easy months. The kids have come with baggage and issues that we have to work out and deal with on a daily basis. Once you think you are past an issue, or it's getting better, wham- there it goes again. It might be with one kid, or it might be with both, you just never seem to know. Being thrown all of this over the past few months has worn Luke and I both out. We're exhausted in just trying to find our new "normal."
I've been praying hard the past few weeks about a peace for the whole situation. I want to know that we are making the right decision not only for us, but for the kids. I sometimes see us signing on the dotted line means signing our lives away. No more just the two of us (there's a song in there somewhere), no more kid free nights, no more doing what we want to do whenever we want to do it. I worry about the issues our kids will face. They have more baggage and wounds than normal bio kids would have. I oftentimes worry about if and how I will be able to handle all of this. Am I strong enough? Can I do this right? Will I regret making this forever decision somewhere down the road?
In being blatantly honest with myself today, could I really tell these kids I didn't want to be their forever Mommy and Daddy? Honestly, No. If DHS took them away from us today would I be sad? Extremely so. I might get a few days rest with no worries, but in the long run I'd miss their noises and smells. Lord knows there are new smells here everyday!!! Would I miss the constant struggle with them- probably yes, but then again I know I wouldn't. I'd forever be worried about who they were with and if they were safe. I would wonder who they grew up to be and how they changed the world for the better.
I have come to love these two precious kids for who they are. Yes they have baggage and issues. We're working through those with counseling on a weekly basis. Would I miss the laughter I hear or the funny stories they share. You bet.
So, even though I'm still praying for perfect peace- I know when that court date comes, Luke and I will make the right decision for our family. One that completes us as a family of 4. Do we all have baggage and failures when we come before the Lord? OMG Yes, on a daily basis. Does he turn us down and say He can't be our Daddy anymore? I'm so thankful He doesn't do that. Does He remind us daily of our short comings? No, and I try to let each morning be a new morning with the kids.
For now, I'm simply praying for His perfect peace and guidance in every situation for our family. Will everyone understand our decisions? Nope, but do I understand the choices some people make- heck no. That's for them to decide and as we like to say around here, "You worry about yourself."
They haven't been easy months. The kids have come with baggage and issues that we have to work out and deal with on a daily basis. Once you think you are past an issue, or it's getting better, wham- there it goes again. It might be with one kid, or it might be with both, you just never seem to know. Being thrown all of this over the past few months has worn Luke and I both out. We're exhausted in just trying to find our new "normal."
I've been praying hard the past few weeks about a peace for the whole situation. I want to know that we are making the right decision not only for us, but for the kids. I sometimes see us signing on the dotted line means signing our lives away. No more just the two of us (there's a song in there somewhere), no more kid free nights, no more doing what we want to do whenever we want to do it. I worry about the issues our kids will face. They have more baggage and wounds than normal bio kids would have. I oftentimes worry about if and how I will be able to handle all of this. Am I strong enough? Can I do this right? Will I regret making this forever decision somewhere down the road?
In being blatantly honest with myself today, could I really tell these kids I didn't want to be their forever Mommy and Daddy? Honestly, No. If DHS took them away from us today would I be sad? Extremely so. I might get a few days rest with no worries, but in the long run I'd miss their noises and smells. Lord knows there are new smells here everyday!!! Would I miss the constant struggle with them- probably yes, but then again I know I wouldn't. I'd forever be worried about who they were with and if they were safe. I would wonder who they grew up to be and how they changed the world for the better.
I have come to love these two precious kids for who they are. Yes they have baggage and issues. We're working through those with counseling on a weekly basis. Would I miss the laughter I hear or the funny stories they share. You bet.
So, even though I'm still praying for perfect peace- I know when that court date comes, Luke and I will make the right decision for our family. One that completes us as a family of 4. Do we all have baggage and failures when we come before the Lord? OMG Yes, on a daily basis. Does he turn us down and say He can't be our Daddy anymore? I'm so thankful He doesn't do that. Does He remind us daily of our short comings? No, and I try to let each morning be a new morning with the kids.
For now, I'm simply praying for His perfect peace and guidance in every situation for our family. Will everyone understand our decisions? Nope, but do I understand the choices some people make- heck no. That's for them to decide and as we like to say around here, "You worry about yourself."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)