Snow Days...

It has decided to turn winter time right here at the end of February.  The kids have enjoyed being out of school. It's been stressful for me, but so be it.  It's been nice having Luke home too!  We've all eaten as much as we can these past few days.  All I want to do is cook- of course watching Food Network all day doesn't help anything!  Today, the kids made snow angels and tried catching snowflakes on their tongues.  Robert noticed a snow covered leaf and wanted his picture made by it.  We tried "sledding" down the driveway in a trashcan lid- it worked a little bit.  The kids had fun.  Now, I'm ready for spring!

Valentine's Day

Luke and I usually don't do much for Valentine's.  We just never have.  However, we usually exchange a card or do dinner.  Last night we had a kid free dinner and it was much needed.  Things have been WAY rough here and aren't getting any better.  This year, we decided to get the kids bean bags.  They each have their own chair for the living room- and we save our furniture!  They liked reading their cards and opening their gifts.  Tonight, we're grilling out with friends and enjoying the nice weather before the snow hits!

Asia's First Dance Lesson

Asia had her first dance lesson last night.  She was a bit nervous about it.  However, once the leotard and tights were on, she was ready! Anna is a great teacher and an even more awesome friend!   Asia seemed really shy around everyone which is to be expected.  She loved it though!  They are learning tap, jazz, and ballet.  She loved the tap shoes the most I think.  I can't wait to see how she does with more lessons.  I was a proud Momma for sure.  We seemed normal even if it was just for an hour!

Valentine's at School

The kids celebrated Valentine's at school.  Asia's class had an ice cream party with TONS of toppings.  I think there were 6 cans of Whipped Cream. It was even complete with Coke and Mountain Dew!  She had a blast playing musical chairs and eating her ice cream.  Robert wasn't able to participate in his ice cream party due to behavior issues.  However, he had a blast going through his Valentine's from his classmates.  He showed me a "Smencilgram"  and I asked him who it was from.  His eyes got big and he gave me a hug and said, "Oh thank you Mom!"  It was truly heartfelt and real.  It was a special fun and memorable day!

Daddy Daughter Dance

Luke took Asia to his and hers first dance!  We didn't have "dances" in high school, so Luke and I have neither one been to a real dance.  Luke got dressed up in his suit- I'd forgotten how handsome he looked in it!  I curled Asia's hair, helped her pick out her outfit, and painted her nails.  We talked about how when you go on a date, you are supposed to get dressed up, smell good, and brush your teeth.  She had a good time being pampered.  She asked me if she could wear earrings.  I told her I had something better for her to wear.  I went to my jewelry box and pulled out a pair of pearls.  I explained to her that these pearls were given to me by my Aunt Debbi (her namesake) when I was in the 8th grade for my first homecoming.  I told her that I also wore them on our wedding day.  She loved having them put on. 

When they were ready to go, Luke disappeared to the front door.  Asia's eyes got real big when she heard the doorbell.  She opened it and Luke had her some roses in a vase.  I don't think she knew what to do.  I told her she could keep the flowers in her room.  After that, I made her a corsage to wear and we put that on her.  We went outside and took some pictures.  She asked if she could wear a sweater and I told her that her date should let her wear his coat.  She just looked at me funny.  Then Luke gave her his coat to wear.  It was precious.

They were off to the dance.  Luke explained on her way out that he was to open the doors for her because it's what gentlemen do.  I can't wait to hear about it when they get back home tonight!

Working on Valentines

The kids decorated their Valentine boxes this week.  It was a LONG task for both of them.  I printed off Frozen coloring sheets on cardstock as well as Batman and Ninja Turtles.  Both kids colored these and we taped them to their boxes.  Robert informed me that he wanted no hearts glued to his- they were too girly.  Asia, of course, wanted pink and purple hearts all over hers.  Asia got Frozen Valentines to pass out to her classmates at school.  Robert had super heros.  All in all, it took about 4 hours to this.  Whew, what a challenge, but I think they had fun!

A Diagnosis behind the Drama

I haven't blogged in a while mainly because nothing has changed in the Williams household.  The behavior is still the same, some have gotten better- some worse.  The amount of chaos in our house still remains the same.  Some days are better than others.  Some days I struggle to be the kind of Mom I think I should be versus the kind of Mom I have to be.

Today, we got a diagnosis to match what Luke and I thought all along.  One of our kiddos has RAD- Reactive Attachment Disorder.  It's a very general diagnosis, and not all kids are that kind of severe.  However, it's still a diagnosis- and no one wants their kiddos to have that. 

So, along with the ADHD we now have RAD to consider in our parenting.  Reactive Attachment Disorder is a disorder resulting from trauma in the early years of childhood.  It means these kids look for manipulation and control at every corner.  It explains for me and Luke how we have one good family day- and the next day is horrible.  They don't like to be comfortable- they want chaos.  They thrive in constant chaos and control.  The hard part is not giving into that control.

So, it's where we go from here that is important.  This will always be a struggle for one of our kids- and I'm thinking the other one as well.  We're praying and hopeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  It's oh so exhausting.  What works for "normal" kids, does not work for our children.  Period.  There simply is no getting around it. 

We will continue with counseling, therapy, and doctor appointments.  My one word of advice to anyone struggling with this- find a support group.  Find one group of friends you can lean on and do that with all you have!  And PRAY!!!  We know God is in this and has all authority over this.  However, it's still not easy. 

On a positive note though, this kid is more than their diagnosis.  They are still a little being that is fearfully and wonderfully made.  Do I blame their bad home for this?  Absolutely.  However, had they  not had their bad home- they wouldn't know this loving home. 

So, if you see me out and about and somehow I don't remember something you asked me- please understand my mind is swimming in 9 million directions.  The way I parent is always one step ahead of the kids- at every turn.  I have to think about how I react and what I need to say.  I have to show no emotion or upset at something they do because it's what they want.  They long for chaos and control and will manipulate at every turn for it.

 It's hard for me not to be able to juggle everything anymore.  I'm so used to being completely organized and in control of everything.  I like everything to have it's place.  With RAD- nothing make sense and it all makes sense at once.  The Lord is teaching me how to lose control and it's OK.  As long as He's got me- we're all going to come on the other side of this in one piece.  I just might not have as much hair! LOL!